


Alone

by BlueStarAngel



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, M/M, Pandemics, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 39,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23518735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueStarAngel/pseuds/BlueStarAngel
Summary: If he was honest with himself, under the best of circumstances the idea of asking someone out terrified Callum Highway. That was until one day, he spotted someone who captured his attention. He was finally ready to take the risk and go on a date. There was only one problem; they weren’t allowed in the same room together. How could they possibly work?
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 168
Kudos: 230





	1. A Wink and A Smile

Callum scrabbled for his trainers with one hand as the alarm on his phone beeped incessantly, despite his stumbling movements to try and turn it off with his elbow.

Eventually he managed to stop the noise, the more practical notion of using his finger to prevent the ringing working better than just randomly stabbing at it with his arm. He slipped his shoes over his heels successfully and was almost ready to go. In truth, Callum hadn’t really needed the alarm. He had been glancing at the clock for the past two hours, his body itching to leave the flat. Setting the alarm was the cautious side of him coming through. He had to be out the door on time.

It had all started a week ago now. Like the rest of the country, he was now living this strange existence that felt more like a movie than real life. The year had seemed to start as normal, but slowly over the past month things seemed to descend into surrealism. Now everyone in the UK, and in many other places in the world, were in lockdown.

Callum had made sure he followed all the guidelines. He worked as a barman and chef in a local pub, so he didn’t need to work. The pub had been shut and it wasn’t as though he could do his job from home. Mick, his boss and friend, had assured him that his job was safe and he would continue to get paid. Twice a week, Callum went to the local shop to pick up some items to keep him going, and collected some staples for Mrs Jones, the elderly lady who lived in the flat opposite from him. He would leave them on the doorstep before giving a quick knock and stepping hurriedly inside his own home before she opened the door. He was sure that she had a care worker visit a couple of times a week, but just in case he wanted to make sure she didn’t have to go out.

With all the restrictions and closures, the one thing he was glad he was allowed to do was go out for some exercise. It may only be once a day, for just half an hour, but it was something to look forward to each morning.

At first, it was just the joy of being outside and breathing in the fresh air. Being stuck in a flat all day felt stifling, just the same few walls to look at. He did have small balcony which is was able to dive out on to get some air when it all became a bit too much. The time outside though, that was something he relished.

Those first few days, Callum set off at six am, the sun already beating high in the sky. The streets were near empty though, just a few key workers on their way to an early shift. The supermarkets and corner shops were all closed at that time in the morning, so there was no one else out. Most people would wait until later in the day to get in their daily exercise so the streets remained quiet.

Callum would awaken early and pull on his running gear and trainers, briefly stopping to slick his hair into style and to throw his keys and phone into his pocket. He always used to have his ear pods in when he ran but since the lockdown he’d taken to just listening to the quiet sounds around him as he jogged along the road, the chirps and whispers of nature feeling like a novelty when making his way through the usually bustling city.

Those first few mornings had been uneventful and Callum had barely seen anyone on his journey, thankful that he wouldn’t have to hurl himself into the nearest hedge to keep himself the recommended two metres away from someone if they were walking in the other direction on the same pavement. On the next day though, everything changed.

Though there was hardly anyone out at six am in the morning, those few that did make an appearance seemed to be moving very quickly. Either they were a jogger, rhythmically pounding the pavement, though there weren’t many; or they were a key worker hurriedly walking, with a bag slung heavily over their shoulder as they rushed to complete their journey to the bus stop or to reach their destination. Today though, as Callum speedily ran along the street, just across the road from him there was a man that seemed to just slowly slouch along at a leisurely pace.

As Callum got closer, he could see this wasn’t someone who was out to get fit. He was dressed in a leather jacket and heavy set boots which weren’t exactly work out gear. There was no urgency in his step either. This wasn’t someone who was on the way to work or back from a late shift either, eager to get home for some well needed respite.

Clearly this man was neither of those things. It was so early for anyone to get their daily exercise quota that just the sight of him peaked Callum’s interest.

There was a slow swagger to his step, as if he wasn’t quite sure where he was going. There was a set of Beats resting over his ears, as if he wanted to block out the world. The light beams of the sun stroked down over his face brightening everything around him, like it was giving him a spotlight. Callum hadn’t realised he’d slowed down to a stop before the face turned his way.

It was a moment, only seconds that they met each other’s eyes, but it felt like the world had stopped. The fact they were in this strange pandemic and everyone was locked away, it really did make it feel like they were the last two people on earth and they’d be wondering around alone thinking it was just them before spotting each other.

Callum’s brain eventually caught up with him, and the faint blush that heated his cheeks wasn’t just from the brisk jog. He knew he couldn’t stop on the pavement; he was supposed to keep moving and he didn’t even have a bottle of water he could pretend to sip from or headphones he could pretend to adjust. He simply nodded his head at the other man, like a whisper of a promise he didn’t even know he was making, and started to pad his trainers down the pavement again. He wanted to look around, everything in his body was telling him to turn around, but he didn’t. Because one more look and he might not move again at all.

When he’d got home, he’d quickly locked the door behind him and slumped down on the floor, as if trying to trap something outside for fear it may get in. Breathing heavily, he stumbled to the sink to pour a cup of water. Callum prided himself in being in pretty good shape, and after just a brisk half an hour jog he would barely break a sweat. Today though, he felt his heart beat out of his chest and his breath escape his throat his fast gasps. He hadn’t kept any kind of pacing or rhythm on his way back home, his mind so clouded with an image of the mystery man he had seen.

As he sat on his kitchen floor with the freezer door open and sipping at his water, he told himself it was to be expected. It was perfectly natural. He’d spent the past days by himself, with just a houseplant for company, it was obvious that he’d be a little flustered when seeing an interesting face.

It wasn’t as if he’d even been out long, but the whole story of his coming out was an embarrassment he locked away in his mind. If he thought too long about it now he would just try to curl himself up in the freezer next to the onion rings. It was natural that his head would start noticing guys. He let himself look at them now, in a way he’d denied himself for years and years. This mysterious man had been different though and he knew it.

Before all these world changing events happened, he’d been out walking with Linda, Mick’s wife, and their little boy, Ollie. They’d passed by this tall, well built guy with gleaming white teeth and golden hair walking his German Shepherd. Ollie wanted to pet the dog and Callum had gone over and asked the man. He had responded by looking him in the eye and saying he could stroke as long as he wanted. It wasn’t until after they’d thanked him and set off to get an ice cream that Linda shook her head at him. “He couldn’t have been obvious he was trying to get your number if he’d written it on his forehead. You were giving more heart eyes to the dog than him, Halfway!” she had said, giving him an affectionate shove.

She hadn’t been wrong. Of course he had noticed the way the man was looking at him, but in truth, he just wasn’t Callum’s type. It was like once he’d come out everyone expected him to suddenly start drooling over every man in a two mile radius. He wasn’t like that. Maybe you could call him picky, maybe it was from past experience, but he wanted to be with someone he had feelings for; heart-stopping, drop down in a daze, tummy fluttering feelings. They all just laughed at him when he told them he’d know him when he met him and it would be easier then for him to get involved with someone.

Well, he’d been half right. Apparently, he did know him when he saw him, but he had been expecting that to happen sitting at a bar and sharing a look over a drink. Not across the road in the middle of a world stopping virus. In his imagination, he’d send a drink over to the guy and then he’d slide over next to Callum, their arms brushing as they talked for hours. The reality was that he and his mystery man weren’t allowed in seven feet of each other, there was nowhere to go to buy a drink and if they stopped anywhere for more than a minute there was a risk that the police would swing by and forcibly separate them.

It could only happen to him. Only he would meet someone that literally took his breath away, in the middle of a pandemic while they were all on lockdown. How did you even ask someone on a date in these circumstances? The thought of doing it under normal conditions brought a wave of nausea to his gullet and he knocked back more of his water. At least he knew how to do it in theory if he were in a bar or club. There would be signals and opportunities that would be obvious. At least he would stand a small chance.

Pushing himself up off the floor, he headed for the bathroom, turning on the shower to heat up for a minute. He took a deep breath and looked in the mirror, calming his head a little. It was ridiculous anyway. He just needed to forget the whole thing. It was a few seconds that had made his heart flutter during a random meeting in the middle of London. It wasn’t as though they’d ever see each other again. How could they when he was locked away for twenty three hours of the day?

The next morning when he set out for his jog at his same time, he couldn’t help but hope he would bump into the mysterious man again. Well, not bump into; more gaze at from a socially acceptable distance. It was a pipe dream though, like winning the lottery. You bought a ticket and took the risk, but you don’t really ever expect to win. For a second, as Callum sprinted down the pavement, he thought his brain was teasing with him, as coming in the opposite direction was the man who had burrowed into his mind for the past twenty four hours.

He was still dressed in dark colours, but no jacket today and the boots had been swapped to some simple deck shoes which he’d slipped on without socks, and was wearing grey trousers so tight Callum couldn’t help but let his eyes wander. The man was still wearing his headphones and still sauntering down the road with his hands tucked into his pockets.

Callum’s breath kept on getting stuck on the inside of the throat, and the last thing he wanted to happen was to suddenly burst into a coughing fit. He did slow down his stride a little, not wanting to pass too quickly, his brain circuiting out as it simultaneously thought of ways to try and get mystery man’s attention while also fritzing about in a blind panic begging him not to draw attention to himself. Callum kept on glancing in the man’s direction, while having half an eye on the pavement, not wanting to run into a lamppost. Though that would certainly be a way to draw attention, he didn’t want to be on the late evening news for his clumsiness being responsible for taking up valuable NHS resources.

Just as he almost passed, the man looked up at him and winked. At least that’s what Callum thought he did. Perhaps his mind was paying tricks on him again. This time he wasn’t even tempted to look back, his feet just sped up and he bolted down the road, the adrenaline of the small moment fuelling an injection of pace. The guy must think he was bonkers.

When he got home that day, he didn’t even stop to think. He opened the freezer, lay down on the floor and pulled out the bag of onion rings and put them right on his forehead, his breathing escaping in short, sharp bursts. It felt like a rhino was sitting on his chest.

“This is ridiculous,” he said, the sound slightly muffled by the plastic packaging grazing his lips. He flung his head to the side, the frozen food sliding off onto the floor with a crunch. “Tell me this isn’t ridiculous?”

Unsurprisingly, the houseplant was quiet, with just a brief wave of its leaves fuelled by the breeze through the open window. Callum took that brief movement as a shrug though, as though if it had eyes it would be rolling them at him. Sitting up with a groan, Callum scowled in its direction. What did the leafy, green bastard know anyhow?

On the third morning, Callum’s heart was pounding even before he left the flat, and he had to take a few deep breaths to prevent his heart from bursting up into his throat as he was warming up. As he jogged towards the road where he always passed his mystery man, he put a quick hand through his hair, trying to make sure it was in place. When he rounded the corner, he squinted into the distance, trying to make out if a figure was coming in the opposite direction. It was a little foggier today; the early morning mist bringing a slight spring chill to the air, so it was a little harder to see into the distance.

After a minute though, he could clearly make out a figure in the distance, strolling along the other side of the road. He was quietly pleading that it wasn’t some nurse on his way to work, and then started to feel guilty about denying the NHS its workers so he could get a two second glance at a boy he fancied.

Shaking his head to clear it slightly, he held his posture a little stronger. No, he was allowed to have his dreams, desires and wishes. That’s what he said to himself when he came out. That’s what everyone encouraged him to do. For the past days, and the next who knows how long, he was stuck in his tiny flat with just a spider plant for company. And frankly, that relationship had taken a nose dive when Callum had got the long nozzle of the hoover a little too close to one of its stems on day one of lockdown. For once in his life, he was going to let himself have this little selfish moment. This little daily treat of bliss.

It was definitely him; Callum was sure of it now he was closer. There was a change of outfit again, the boots were back and he was wearing a short grey coat over a shirt. Callum tried to jog casually, then realised he had no idea what a casual run looked like and trying to do so would probably make him look like a giraffe in ice skates. He was acutely aware that he wasn’t looking though and then stopped, thinking about what he said to himself earlier. Proudly, he lifted his eyes up and got his gaze fixed on his mystery man who was getting closer and closer on the other side of the road.

Callum’s heart began to sink as the object of his attention carried on looking forward, his hands stuck in his pockets and his headphones snug around his ears. It looked like maybe he had dreamed up the wink and attention from the day before. Even though he felt embarrassed that he’d imagined he’d been noticed, he still couldn’t look away. He stopped berating his languishing ego when a head turned his way.

It was only a brief moment yet again, almost short enough that Callum would start to think he made it all up when he was laying in his bed later. Yet he could swear that the mystery man looked him up and down, before quirking up the side of his mouth approvingly and then biting his lip. There were a million other reasons he could have made those movements, and Callum counted them all out later when he was over-watering Plant. There was just that itch though, that hope and desire that willed it to be because mystery man liked what he saw.

This was now the forth day, and as Callum switched off the reminder alarm and finished lacing up his trainers, he took a deep breath, nodded to Plant, who lay still and saturated from overdoing the drink the night before and left the flat.

As he started his run, he wondered what his mysterious man was going to be wearing today. It wasn’t quite as cold as yesterday, so maybe the jacket would be out. There had been a little bit of rain in the night, so it was possible that the boots would come into play. The level of thought he gave to a stranger’s outfit both excited him, and made him want to give himself a well earned slap.

He hoped he’d get a smile again today. Mystery Man’s face lit up yesterday and Callum was sure he saw his eyes twinkle when it happened. The way his heart skipped a beat when he got the wink though, that made him want to see that again. In truth though, as long as he looked his way, he really didn’t care. That was enough. It was the highlight of his day and he could make it through the other wretched twenty three hours and fifty nine minutes with just that as fuel.

Sure enough, as Callum turned the corner he saw the figure ahead. It was him. He knew his movements by now; his swagger, his pace, the shape and height of his body. It rang out so clearly and he picked up the pace of his jog, only slightly. He didn’t want the moment to pass too quickly, he wanted to savour this excitement and anticipation.

As Callum got nearer, Mystery Man still didn’t look up. He was wearing his boots again today, like he predicted, with dark jeans and a black denim jacket. How many coats did this guy have? Callum was approaching nearer now, so they were almost parallel on different sides of the road, and still he didn’t look up. He slowed his pace right down, not daring to take his gaze away from the man in case he missed his look. There was nothing though and all the hope dropped out of Callum’s body as Mystery Man disappeared out of his view.

Part of him wanted to back up on himself; to turn around and start jogging the other way. Perhaps if he had more confidence, or had more experience he might take that risk, but he couldn’t face another disappointment. His heart couldn’t take it, so he just carried on, defeat and future regret coursing through his body. Tomorrow he’d take a different route for his run.

While he was internally berating himself though, his ears picked up a noise. Turning around quickly, he realised that Mystery Man had said something. He had looked towards him, headphones around his neck and was now slowly walking backwards. The look on Callum’s face must have given away that he hadn’t heard what he had said to him.

“What’s your name?” he called, his face looking slightly amused as if something Callum had done something that appealed to him.

While his body was freezing, Callum’s brain went into overdrive. He hadn’t prepared himself for this. Actual talking with another human. Actual talking with another human with piercing eyes and a warm smile. This was not what he practiced with Plant last night. They had only prepared for a wink, or a look, and in one scenario a short wave.

“Callum,” he managed to eventually call out, though he was sure his voice was so shaky it was like he was standing in the middle of an earthquake. “My name’s Callum.”

Generally, when you tell someone your name, you ask them what their one is, or at least wait until they respond with what they are called. Looking back, Callum wasn’t quite sure why his brain decided the best course of action was to quickly turn around and run in the opposite direction, but he was sure it regretted the decision when his forehead struck the lamppost.


	2. Make Someone Happy

Bright spots were in front of his eyes, but Callum was able to step to the side and keep on running. That probably wasn’t the smoothest move of his life. Not that he had a huge amount of moves at all, but running away from a boy as soon as you said your name, and crashing with a wallop into the nearest lamppost was a low point even for him.

He didn’t dare turn around to look at what his Mystery Man’s reaction was like. There was a small part of him that was just pleased he didn’t knock himself out completely. Some silver lining that was; taking consciousness as a win. The hamstring muscles in his legs were beginning to stretch and sting now, as he continued his relentless pace. Somewhere his brain thought that if he just kept on jogging, then he would be able to out run all the problems and it would turn back time. In his head, it was a move Superman would make. In reality, it was more comparable with Forrest Gump.

Finally, he reached the lobby of his building, swiping his fob with shaking hands as sweat began to drip down his cheeks. He didn’t think he had taken one breath from the lamppost to his flat and it was showing in his body. Making his way to the lift, he could see the light out. Great, he thought. Of all the days for it to be broken. He reluctantly made his way to the staircase.

When Callum reached his flat, he knocked the door shut behind him, went into the kitchen and face planted his head down onto the cool counter. “Ow,” he groaned out, as he was very quickly reminded of his embarrassment in the first place. He lifted up his head, giving it a rub and wincing when he could feel a bruise forming. He dragged his body over to the freezer, opening the door and reaching inside for the onion rings.

Cursing, he slammed the door shut when he realised they weren’t in there. “Why did we have to stress eat last night?” he asked Plant, who was looking at him with concern. “Yeah, I know you said to just have a smoothie, but I was nervous about today.”

For once in his life, he had turned out to be right. He had a moment of panic when he wondered if the stench of last night’s snack was still on his breath. He raised his hand to his mouth and breathed out, content with just the faint mint whiff there. Perhaps it was a little naïve of him to assume that anyone would be able to smell his breath from across the street, but he’d know. Callum groaned again when he realised that his mouth could smell like the inside of a rotten gym sock and it still wouldn’t distract from his clumsy head banging.

Why did he run away? Surely that was worse anyway? Why couldn’t he just be a normal person for once and have a normal conversation without someone widening their eyes or snorting out a laugh at his actions? He wondered what Mystery Man’s reaction was after he’d roadrunnered down the street. It wouldn’t have been good. It was probably a shake of his head and a sneer as he turned around to finish his walk in his mysterious way on the way back to his mysterious destination. The way he just swaggered down the road, all natural and effortlessly. He must think that Callum was a different species and glad there was a mandated social distancing rule that kept him away.

After he had a shower, he opened up the fridge pulling out one of the beer bottles he’d been keeping in there. Callum held it to his forehead with a wince. Thankfully, there didn’t seem to be too much of a bruise forming, but he would certainly feel it for a couple of days. Walking over to the sofa, he turned the tv on, switching to a different channel that didn’t have constant pandemic updates that just served to remind him of the state of his life right now.

Taking a long sip of beer, he settled back. His mood seemed to have dropped today, and he realised how much happier he had been for those few days when he looked forward to seeing his Mystery Man. All it had taken was that one moment to relish and his mood level had lifted. Now everything seemed dark again. He took another swig of his beer.

Blinking his eyes, his head scratched with the ringing sound that was intruding into his sleep. It felt like Big Ben had been installed in his head while he was asleep and the bell was now clanging loudly, the echo rippling through his brain painfully.

Scrabbling around, he eventually found his phone and turned off the reminder alarm. Looking around, he remembered how he spent his day yesterday, as three empty beer bottles littered the coffee table. Callum sat up with a groan as his head swirled like a magic 8 ball. The incessant banging still hadn’t stopped either, and it caused a little wave of nausea as his stomach protested dramatically at being moved.

The phone started beeping again. His back-up reminder that he had to leave for his morning run now. There wasn’t even the remotest possibility that his body was in any mood for exercise, especially after what happened yesterday; it certainly had no incentive. Just because he was allowed to go out once a day, it didn’t mean he had to take that opportunity all the time. And if tomorrow, he didn’t want to go out either, then he wouldn’t. He could just stay in his flat, curl up and wait out this whole tortuous affair.

Looking around his flat, it didn’t look in much better a state than he did. Callum’s eyes stopped on the beer bottle next to a sleeping Plant. He’d have to remember to google ‘Effects of alcohol on plants’ later.

Fuck it. He was going to go. He was going to have to go downstairs to the recycling anyway to take all these bottles out, and he’d rather go now and avoid seeing any of his neighbours as he threw away the remains of half an off licence.

Staggering up, he quickly pulled on his running gear, his balance feeling precarious at best and his stomach rocking like the Dover to Calais ferry during a hurricane. Callum took a deep breath, put on his trainers, picked up the rattling bag of bottles and left the flat.

Thankfully, there were none of his nosy neighbours snooping around the bins to pass comment of Callum’s recycling. He knew yesterday was a bad day, and he was berating himself for it more than anyone else ever could. It had just seemed hopeless for a few hours. Being alone. On his way downstairs though, he reminded himself that nothing was forever. Usually there were only negative connotations to that, but in this case it brought a bit of positivity. At some point, he’d be back at work, seeing all the old regulars and having dinner with Mick, Linda and Ollie. He’s spend Saturdays at the football with his brother, and then Tina would force him on a night out which he enjoyed once he was there. He was allowed to have a bad day. Nothing was forever.

Callum would have loved to say that in his delicate, hungover state he had completely forgotten about the fact he could see Mystery Man on his run. That was far from the truth though, and he was still firmly stuck on Callum’s mind. He knew what he was going to do today though; he’d simply give a short wave when he passed him, to acknowledge the interaction and be polite. He wouldn’t stop, and Callum was sure that after yesterday Mystery Man wouldn’t make that mistake either.

As he rounded the corner into the road, he couldn’t see anyone in the distance. Callum glanced at the time on his phone; he wasn’t any later than he usually would be so he hadn’t missed him. He jogged on a little further, squinting into the distance to the far end of the street. There was no one coming.

Realistically, he should have expected this. If he had to pass himself every day, it wouldn’t take much to make him change his route. This poor guy was probably now having to go out his way to avoid Callum. What if, despite appearances, he was a key worker on his way to his shift every morning? That would mean that because Callum couldn’t just go out for a jog like a normal person, this poor man was probably having to take a longer route to work, making him late and very possibly delaying the lifting of the lockdown on the country. He had to admit, there was perhaps a little hyperbole creeping in, but his actions always tended to have consequences for those around him.

Admitting defeat, he picked up the pace of his run a little, shaking his head at the disaster that was his life. Out of the corner of his eye though, something suddenly caught his attention and he stopped, his brain trying to piece together the picture of what he had seen.

Backing up a few steps, he looked to his right and realised he was right by the lamppost he had hit his head on yesterday. Rather than give it the well deserved scowl he intended to, he looked in confusion at the piece of paper that was taped to it. That definitely wasn’t there yesterday.

It was only a simple piece of white A4 with a few words scrawled on in black Sharpie. He read carefully, sure that his brain was making things up and processing the wrong messages his eyes were sending him. The paper read ‘CALLUM, WE MUST STOP RUNNING INTO EACH OTHER LIKE THIS 077835336664’.

That was all. Just his name, a few words and a phone number. Was this for him? It did have his name on! It wasn’t like he had an exceptionally uncommon name; there were probably hundreds of Callums in London. That being said, he couldn’t imagine many of them ran down this road each day, knocking into a lamppost.

It must definitely be for him. There was no way this could be mistaken for a lost cat poster or some untoward sales advert. If this was for him, then the only question was who was it from?

Inside he was screaming at himself that it was from the Mystery Man. It had to be, with it being taped to this particular post. There was always that little doubtful voice though. Perhaps one of the neighbours down this road knew him. It could be a regular from the pub, or someone he went to school with that had seen him practically knock himself out yesterday and wanted to check he was alright. No, he wasn’t going to get his hopes up too high otherwise he’d call expecting his Mystery Man to answer and then it would turn out to be his eighty year old Chemistry teacher from high school, Mrs Snoodle.

Oh God. There was a telephone number! Was he supposed to ring it? Was he supposed to call it and talk to the person on the other end of the line? How could he do that if it was Mystery Man? Now he was hoping it was Mrs Snoodle. At least a conversation about the periodic table wouldn’t make his heart rate jump so high his watch was now bleeping at him. Callum knew he had to run the stress off a bit and started to jog back down the road, before mentally cursing himself and backing up to rip the poster off the lamppost.

When he returned home, he just started to pace the room, holding on to the paper tightly. The adrenaline was causing energy to pulse through his body, his normal muscle aches numbing under its effect. “Should I call the number?” he asked, as Plant barely gave a glance in his direction in response. “Oh right, sorry, I forgot.”

The question replayed over and over again in his head as he googled hangover cures. What would he even say if it was Mystery Man? Thinking it through, he popped the kettle on. If the poster was from him, then perhaps he was just checking that Callum didn’t have some form of concussion. He wasn’t sure he could bear to hear his voice, only for it to be over in a few seconds, never to be heard of again.

Sighing and willing his brain to just settle on a decision, he made a cup of tea for himself and a strong black coffee for Plant. If only there were some way of contacting him without actually having to speak. Like a letter, but using his phone number instead of an address.

As he gave Plant a sip of his coffee and wiped away the dripping from the bottom of the pot with a tea towel, he could have kicked himself. This isolation was turning him crazy. He could obviously just text Mystery Man! There, simple! Well, actually not so simple. What on earth was he going to say?

After he had his shower, he sat down on the sofa with his phone his hand. He brought up a new message but his fingers didn’t seem to want to go any further than that. Callum must have sat there for about ten minutes, his brain at an absolute loss of what to say. It seemed like every word in his vocabulary had suddenly dropped out of his head. There was only one thing to do. He needed some advice.

Tina wasn’t always the best person to go to for help. She was Mick’s sister, well aunt, but that was a whole other story. His friend wasn’t the sort of person you called if you needed help working out if your tax bill was correct or needed to put together a flat pack from Ikea. However, despite not being in a relationship herself, she seemed to be the person he turned to for dating advice since coming out. Scrolling down his phone, he decided to Facetime her.

There was no answer at first, before the picture finally clicked in. On the screen though wasn’t Tina, but Linda who appeared with a little wave. “Halfway!” she screeched in a way that reminded him that his hangover hadn’t quite disappeared. “How you doing, my lovely?”

“I’m doing great, Linda, thanks,” he lied. “How’s everyone there?”

Linda grunted a little. “Well, Ollie and me and fine, but Shirley’s prowling around like a lion in a cage and Mick’s still complaining about the lack of football on,” she replied, raising her eyebrows. “Oh, here he is now. Mick! Mick! Come say hello to Halfway!”

A moment later, his friend and boss appeared on the screen. “Alright, son! How’s life treating you on your todd?” he asked, a warm smile on his face.

“I’m not too bad, cheers,” he answered quickly. “Tina not about?”

Linda shook her head, a look of disapproval washing over her face. “Her and Shirl had a go at the Ouzo last night and she’s been in bed with her head every since,” she answered. “I doubt we’ll see her this side of the quarantine if I’m honest, the amount those two put away! Anything we can do?”

“Oh not to worry,” Callum replied quickly. He loved Mick and Linda, but they had been together forever and didn’t understand what it was like to be alone. “I was just calling for a chat with her. I’ll catch her another time.”

“Alight, sweetheart. You look after yourself yeah?” Linda replied with affection. “You taking care of that plant I gave you?”

“It’s a plant, not a baby, Linda. Even Halfway couldn’t kill it,” Mick said with a tut.

Callum gave a smile, knowing he must have imagined Plant waving its leaves semaphore style into the word ‘Help’. “I’m giving it plenty to drink,” he responded, hoping that was the right thing to do.

“That’s good! Remember to give it plenty of sunlight too,” Linda replied enthusiastically, and Callum made a mental note to sit Plant out on the patio chair on the balcony later. “Talk to you soon!”

There was a chorus of goodbyes as he hung up the phone. He was none the wiser after the conversation, and he wasn’t sure who else to call to help. He opened his messages again and started to type.

_‘Hello. Is it me you’re looking for?’_

Shaking his head, he quickly deleted the words. That was a song wasn’t it? He then spent the next five minutes searching song lyrics with ‘Hello’ in the title, hoping to come up with some inspiration. After scrolling through and listening to various tracks by Adele, The Beatles and more, he gave up that idea. Perhaps it would be best to be honest.

_‘Hello, are you my Mystery Man? If so, you’re all I’ve thought about for the past week. Sorry if I had onion breath yesterday.’_

That was all a little too on the nose. If he sent that, then Mystery Man would probably change his number and burn the phone just to make sure. For a third time, he opened a new message, put in the number and started typing.

_‘Hi’_

It was simple, that was for sure, but it seemed like the best fit for the situation. Callum’s finger hovered over the send button, getting closer before he pulled it back again. This was no good. It was now or never, and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t find out. Before he could change his mind again, he forced his finger down on the send button, his heart leaping into his mouth as the word moved up the screen.

Hastily, he threw the phone to the other side of the sofa, hid his eyes in the couch cushion and pulled a blanket over his head, his breath escaping in sharp gasps. However, his whole body stilled when less than a minute later, a beeping came from behind him. Callum lifted the cover off his head and looked at his mobile. Then he looked at Plant questioningly. Plant looked at the phone and then back at Callum. Without waiting a moment longer, he dived for his mobile.

Unlocking the screen with a shaky finger, his whole body drained when he realised it was just a message from his brother Stuart. Never one to let something like a pandemic get him down, he sent Callum a list of suggested Halloween costumes. Ignoring the fact that it wasn’t even Easter yet, Callum quickly typed a message saying the Adams Family sounded like a great idea and then slouched back on the sofa with a groan of disappointment.

The phone beeped again and Callum rolled his eyes when he tried to guess which character costume he had been assigned. When he looked at the screen, however, no name came up. Just the number he had typed in from memory earlier.

Without looking any further, Callum shoved the phone face down on the sofa and took a deep breath. Then he quickly sprinted to the kitchen, grabbed a glass of water, topping up Plant on his way back, before jumping back on the couch. Taking one deep breath through his nose, he lifted the screen up and looked at the message.

_‘Hi. Who is this?’_

Callum mentally kicked himself, and then shoved his foot into his shin to do it in actuality as well. He hadn’t included his name! All that time wondering what to put in the message and he had left out the one thing that he needed to put in! Great, Mystery Man already thought he was a klutz, now he would think he was an airhead klutz.

Starting to type again, he still wanted to keep it simple. It was bad enough he waffled on when he spoke, at least he could control it a little when he was typing.

_‘This is Callum. I got your note?’_

There was more confidence when he hit send this time. Nothing had been such a disaster yet. Sure he’d forgotten his name, but for him that wasn’t so bad. The phone beeped twice in quick succession. Callum quickly swiped away a message from his brother that clearly and worryingly contained a picture of Cousin It, and opened the one from Mystery Man.

_“I thought I’d put it in a place you wouldn’t miss. How’s your head?’_

There was still no absolute confirmation this was his Mystery Man but it was the most likely option and Callum felt his heartbeat quicken at that. There was still the probability that he was only checking up to make sure Callum wasn’t dead though. He needed to ask a question to check it was the right person.

_‘No worse than normal! Serve me right for jogging so early. What you doing out that early?’_

He cursed himself as soon as he pressed send. It didn’t really fit in with the breezy natural chat he wanted to give the appearance of having. It sounded like he was interrogating him. He winced a little when the phone beeped this time.

_‘You a copper or something? ;) That first morning I saw you, I had to get out the house. I live with my brother, Jay, Lola and her daughter Lexi and they’d eaten something dodgy the night before and were chucking up into the early hours. Needed a bit of air! Quite like that time of the morning, though usually only see it when I’m returning home!’_

Callum felt himself smile at the little nuggets of information that were revealed in the message. Mystery Man was just someone out for a walk, getting his daily exercise the same time as Callum. He started to type back, feeling the conversation flow easier than he thought it would.

_‘So is that why you go out at six in the morning every day? To get some air away from the house?’_

Callum thought how it must be nice to live with people at this time though, as claustrophobic as it could get. He supposed he could have done that; gone and stayed with Stuart for a few months, but as he swiped away a picture of Thing that had just come through, he imagined he made the right decision. Thankfully, Mystery Man’s new message came through soon after.

_‘No it's not! I’ve had to set three alarms and drag myself kicking and screaming out of bed every morning since then. It’s unnatural to be that energetic at that time of day.’_

Callum frowned a little. Was there another reason he needed to be out at six am then? Perhaps he was on his way to work after all.

_‘Why do you go for a walk every day at that time then? Why don’t you go later?’_

_‘Well if I went any later than I wouldn’t get to see you every day now would I?’_

Oh. OH! Did that mean what he thought it meant? It sounded like it. That was ridiculous though. It probably meant that he was Mystery Man’s daily amusement, wondering what he was going to run into or what animal on roller skates he looked like when he ran that day. But what if it wasn’t. What if he was actually interested in Callum for non-amusement reasons? The idea of that panicked him even more, and he held his phone up to his forehead. “Ow,” he muttered, the bruise still quite clearly there. The phone vibrated, causing him to wince with pain, and also due to the fact he’d been running things over in his brain for so long that he hadn’t responded to the message. He pulled the screen back to check.

_‘See you tomorrow x’_

There was a kiss! That had to mean something! Callum quickly shook that idea off though. Everyone sent kisses with messages. His hairdresser had sent three the last time he had made an appointment. The fact that he would have a confirmed sighting of Mystery Man tomorrow morning though, that did put a smile on his face. Callum leapt out of his seat to go and high five Plant. He didn’t even let the moment be ruined when one of Plants withered brown fingers dropped off with his enthusiastic celebration, simply dusting the evidence onto the floor to clean up later. This was a good day.

The next morning couldn’t come quickly enough. There was only so many times he could clean the flat and he just couldn’t sit still long enough to binge anything on Netflix. He was up and down all night too, sleep not being able to come easily and he eventually fell asleep curled up on the sofa, springing up like a meerkat when his alarm went off in the morning.

Callum tried to keep a relaxed pace as he jogged towards the road they usually met in. He didn’t want to turn up sweating and dishevelled, and not able to breathe properly. Even after the message yesterday, he was still worried that Mystery Man wouldn’t turn up, but he couldn’t help but grin when he saw a familiar figure in the distance.

Though his heart kept beating quickly, his pace slowed down as they approached each other, the road between them seeming like a chasm all of a sudden. Mystery Man pulled off his headphones and gave a little quirk of a smile. The leather jacket was back today and Callum had to try and stop his eyes from travelling down the other man’s body. By the way, the smile in front of him grew though, he wasn’t sure he was that successful.

“Hard to get a close look from across the street, ain’t it?” Mystery Man commented, and Callum couldn’t help the small laugh and blush that escaped. “How’s the head today?”

“Yeah, fine,” he responded, tapping his fingers to the affected area. His eyes couldn’t help but catch a glimpse of an elderly woman behind him, complete with shopping basket on wheels, making her way towards him. Great, the one morning he actually had the confidence to stop and he’d have to move on. “You should see the other guy!”

Mystery Man gave a small chuckle and looked down. There was almost a little shyness there, but it quickly disappeared when he lifted his head back up. “Well everyone’s looking for someone to fall head over heels for them aren’t they?”

Callum wanted to ask him more, to find out what he meant by the comment. Was it just a joke, or was there something between them? However, the old lady was almost near to him now and he pointed in her direction to let Mystery Man know that he had to move on. “I should-“

“I’ll Facetime you later, yeah?” he quickly said, giving the elderly woman a glare as she tottered up closer to Callum. “We’ll be able to talk then without social distancing rebels creeping up on us.”

Callum gave a nod and started to turn in the opposite direct, just catching the wink that Mystery Man gave him as he went. There was a definite smile on his face all the way home though the heaven’s were starting to open and rain drops quickly fell.

When he got back, he realised that ‘later’ really was an unspecific time. It could be an hour, or four or not until the middle of the night. Callum worked better with having a strict time. That was the army still working its magic on him. He sneered through the blinds at the poor weather, before widening his eyes in horror and bursting through his balcony door. He lifted Plant off his sunchair, giving him a little shake to remove the excess raindrops. “Well Linda did say to make sure you had enough water,” he explained, putting Plant back on his counter and dabbing him with a bit of kitchen towel.

The rest of the morning seemed to drag more than the previous day. He made sure he kept his phone charged and on the loudest ringer volume possible. The flat was now so tidy that he wasn’t sure where anything was. He’d arranged and rearranged the sofa cushions three times and done his hair every thirty minutes to make sure it didn’t fall out of place. Callum had tried on three different outfits, finally deciding that a smart shirt in the middle of a lockdown would look strange and settling on a white t-shirt and jeans. He’d even given Plant a little trim to clear away any brown leaves. Now all he had to do was sit and wait.

All he had to do was sit and wait. It was tortuous. He turned the tv on for a little while, but nothing seemed to cause much of a distraction. He was just about to go and check his hair again when the phone started to ring.

Callum took a deep breath and tried to make his eyes seem as natural as possible, rather than a deer in headlights, and accepted the call. When Mystery Man appeared on the screen, a lot of the nervous energy just dropped out of him and he couldn’t help but smile. It was the closest he had ever seen him. He looked even better than he imagined.

“Hi,” he managed to mutter out through his grin.

“Hey,” Mystery Man replied, returning the smile. “You alright? Had a good day?”

Callum shrugged a little. “Standard lockdown itinerary. Cleaning, tv, cleaning, tv. How about you?”

“Just generally trying not to go completely insane and waiting for an acceptable amount of time to call you,” he replied, and Callum wondered for a second if he had died as he was sure his heart had stopped. Looking at his mystery man, he knew how ridiculous and cheesy it sounded, but it felt like he really saw him and he knew everything about him by just looking into his eyes. It was also possible he had hit his head harder than he thought on the lamppost and he was now laying in a coma somewhere and his brain was now only speaking as if he was in a romcom.

Suddenly, a little blonde girl appeared on the screen. “You alright, Lex?” Mystery Man asked her.

“You promised you’d come and play tea parties, Daddy!” she replied insistently.

Ah. Ok. Well maybe there were one or two things about someone that gazing into their eyes didn’t let you know. He probably wasn’t in that romcom coma then. That was good to know at least.

Mystery Man looked at the screen apologetically, pointing his hand towards the little girl. “I’m so sorry, Callum, I’ve got to go now. We’ll catch up later, yeah?”

Callum nodded his head, watching as the little girl was pulling at her Dad’s hand. Quickly, he realised that there was one other detail he didn’t know about his mystery man that he needed to find out. Rather an important one.

“Wait!” he shouted out, as he saw the call was about to be ended. “What’s your name?”

The man grinned as if he had only realised himself that he hadn’t told him. “Ben,” he replied softly with a smile. “My name’s Ben.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this weirdness! I'm already into the next chapter, so that may be up by the end of the week if anyone is interested!


	3. A Whole New World

Callum put the phone down on the sofa and sat back. On the favorable side, he now had a name for his mystery man. He wasn’t quite sure how that could really be construed was a positive except for that fact that he could now scratch’ Ben + Callum 4 Eva’ on his old Chemistry text book if he so chose. It wasn’t as though he expected his actual name to be Mystery Man. He wasn’t a superhero, though the thoughts running through Callum’s brain at that idea were ones he’d definitely save for his late night fantasies.

On the downside, he had a daughter. Not that having a child was a negative, or that he wouldn’t be willing to date someone with a child. He loved kids. The problem was that he didn’t mention her. Ben said he lived with his brother, girlfriend and her daughter. Oh. Callum realised that maybe he got the context of the words mixed up. That would be typical of him to just hear what he wanted to hear. Maybe Ben had meant he lived with his girlfriend, their daughter, and his brother also lived with them.

This was ridiculous. He felt sure that Ben was showing signs of interest in him. Why would he if he had a girlfriend at home? Callum supposed that maybe the other man could be bisexual, but would he really try and then hook up with someone in front of his daughter if he was already in a relationship? Perhaps he had it all wrong and all Ben wanted was a friend to speak to. Like a pen pal. Though Callum could say from experience of Gustavs when he was twelve, that they’ll write a couple of lines of where they lived and their hobbies and then stop writing at all. He was quite thankful for that though, he’d used his only three sentences of German in the first letter.

Callum knew he should know this type of thing. He wasn’t some ditzy thirteen year old with a crush. No, he was a ditzy almost-thirty year old with a crush, and he should be able to read if someone fancied him or was just on the look out for a lockdown buddy before returning to his girlfriend and child. “I should know, right? I should be able to tell?” he asked, water still dripping from Plant’s leaves. “That better not be tears of laughter. You’ve got it so easy. You don’t have to figure out if a cactus is coming onto you or not.”

Not wanting to have the same question rattling around his head for the next few hours, he decided to give Tina another go, and reached for his phone to call her. Thankfully, this time she answered her own phone.

“Hey, Halfway,” Tina called out cheerfully, appearing on the screen. “How’s lockdown treating you? Downed those bottles of vodka I gave you yet?”

“Alright, Tine,” he responded with a wave. “No managed to resist so far; just a few beers. You know I’m a lightweight anyway. A couple of shots of that and I’ll sleep through until the end of the pandemic.”

Tina gave a grin and leaned closer the camera conspiratorially. “I think Shirley and I will have drunk have the contents of the cellar by that time. Linda’s already doing her nut. She found three empty bottle of gin we shoved round the back of Lady Di’s bed!” she added with a giggle. “We tried to blame it on the dog, but I don’t think we quite managed to get away with it. I miss our nights out!”

“Yeah, you trying to throw every half decent fella my way, and me chucking some dodgy moves about on the dance floor!” Callum laughed back. He really did miss those evenings, but the company especially.

“I weren’t throwing them anywhere! You are a proper catch of the day, you just don’t realise it yet!” she replied softly.

“I wanted to talk to you about that actually,” he said clearing his throat of the nerves. She was his friend, but it was still quite raw to be able to speak about his true feelings. “How do I know if someone’s gay and interested in me?”

“Oh,” she said, before stopping and furrowing her brow in confusion. “You never asked me that before. I’ll tell you what, when all this is over and done, we’ll have a good night out, chuck a bit of bait in and see what we can hook on. I’ll talk you through everything don’t worry! Not much we can do about it now, unless you got some drop dead gorgeous hottie in the flat with you who wants to ravage you senseless.”

Callum looked around at Plant who was dripping with disdain. “No, not exactly got any fans in here with me, Tine,” he replied. “But there is someone I like, that I’ve seen when I was out jogging. Obviously, I can’t go anywhere near him, but I want to know if he’s interested in me.”

Tina’s shoulders dropped and she was wearing a face he recognised. It was the one everyone had after his last date. This was not a good face. “Oh Callum, hon,” she started, and already he was regretting asking the question. “I know it’s hard, not seeing any action at the moment. Trust me I understand, but you can’t just go around thinking every rando on the street will be your Prince Charming. You know what you need to do?”

Callum grimaced at the question. He could sense where this was going and it wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have. “What?” he asked tentatively, screwing up his face at the screen.

“Bit of self love,” she nodded knowingly, and Callum groaned and put his face over his hands. “You’ve got stuff to help with that, ain’t you?

For some reason, as soon as he came out, his friends and family thought he automatically turned into someone who wanted to discuss his sex life and embrace every kink possible. Rainie, his brother’s girlfriend, had handed him a beautiful silver gift box with a huge bow on it. He thought perhaps it was some cooking utensils to go in his new flat. When she said it was his ‘Coming out’ present, he’d been a little more suspicious. He’d opened the box once, taken out one item he actually knew how to use and then quickly shoved the lid back on, pushing it as far under his bed as he could as his cheeks went flame red. He knew how to take care of himself; all those years he wasn’t able to express his desires out loud, he certainly had to do it in private, though there had always been a level of guilt in that as well. Just because he could now be more open about his feelings, it didn’t mean he wanted to discuss everything.

“A bit of jerkin’ your gherkin might help you relax a bit, Halfway,” Tina added, and Callum made a mental note to now throw out the half eaten jar of pickles he had in the fridge. “Just so you’re not going full on trouser Pinocchio every time you pass a cute guy on the street.”

“Okay, well thanks Tina, bye!” he replied hurriedly, not wanting this conversation to carry on a moment longer. “Love you.”

“Wait, Callum!” she called before he could end the call and then hurl his phone out of the window. “This won’t be forever you know? I’m so proud of you and what you’ve done, and who you are. We’ll both get out there again! We’ll get you on a few dates. I promise they won’t all be like the last one! Just don’t go looking for something that isn’t really there, alright? I don’t want to see you disappointed again.”

Callum gave her a smile and ended the call. He hadn’t got the answers he wanted, and he had so many more questions.

That day, he didn’t have to wait long for Ben to ring him back. The tea party seemed to have been a success, as Callum could just make out a small bit of glitter by Ben’s eye. Only a little, just enough to make him sparkle.

Over the last hour, Callum had gone over what he was going to say in his mind, deciding it was best just to play it nonchalant and bring up the subject of his daughter subtly. He would approach it in a calm and mature manner, making sure he respected it and if Ben had a girlfriend then there was no hard feelings.

“Hi,” Ben said with a smile when he popped up on screen.

“Why didn’t you tell me you had a daughter?” Right, so perhaps subtlety wasn’t his strong point. It was like the question was just bursting to get out and once he saw Ben, all feelings of rationality just dissipated from his body.

Ben chewed at his lip a little, and Callum thought about how young he looked. He also wondered if he was wearing those tight jeans he had on the other day, but he quickly tucked that thought away in his head with musings of silver bowed boxes and tickled pickles.

“I told you about Lola, who I live with, yeah?” he started to explain, now bringing his thumb to his mouth to nervously chew on. “Well, Lexi’s our daughter.”

“She’s beautiful,” he replied, genuinely. His eyes focused on the way Ben’s thumb was just brushing his lips. Fuck it. He let himself stare and imagine exactly what trousers he had on. He just found out the object of his affections was drowning in domestic bliss, he was now fully allowing any desire that passed his brain to stay there. He deserved it with his luck with dating. Hell, he might even slide Pandora’s Sex Box out from under his bed later. He would probably have to google quite a few of the items in there to know exactly what they are for. God, he hoped no one had been tracking his search history since he was on lockdown. “You and Lola been together for a long time then?”

Ben quickly dropped his hand, his forehead furrowing for a brief second before he let out a deep laugh. “You think we’re together? God, Callum, you’ll give me nightmares!” he said, still chuckling. “You’d give her more than nightmares if she heard that too! No, we were just stupid kids when we had Lexi. A one time ridiculous act that produced something amazing. She’s all loved up with Jay, my brother. Well he ain’t technically my brother, but good as. My business partner too.”

“What do you do?” Callum asked, hoping the routine question masked the fact that inside he was jumping up and down and punching the air. He was able to control himself though. Just because Ben didn’t live with a girlfriend, it didn’t necessary mean that he had any interest in Callum. Tina was probably right; he was just making things up in his head.

“We own a car lot and a garage. Basically, anything cars. I’m the brains of the outfit, but Jay does make a mean cup of tea!” he said leaning his head on his hand so his fingers lightly brushed his hair, and Callum swore he almost moaned a little at the action. He quickly shot a look at Plant who confirmed that it was just in his head. “What do you do?”

“Oh I just work in a pub,” he shrugged. It wasn’t exactly as impressive as owning two businesses. “I work behind the bar, and in the kitchen a bit.”

Thankfully, Ben didn’t seem to recoil in horror at Callum’s lack of career. “You’ll have to tell me which one, I couldn’t have been in yours. I would have remembered a barman as gorgeous as you.”

There was no mistaking that. Even Callum could tell what that comment meant as it rolled around in his head on repeat. He was slightly concerned that he was just sitting there with his mouth wide open. “I was in the army before that,” he said, knowing that maybe he should complement Ben in return, but his brain not quite finding the words yet.

Ben’s eyes went comically wide. “You still got your old uniform knocking about?” he replied, and Callum could feel his heart beat faster, not quite believing this was actually happening. After all the worry, the pain, the fretting and the tears, he was now sitting in front of this boy who was just lovely. Not that he would tell him that, he wanted to keep a bit of a cool exterior even if they were only next to each other over a phone.

“You’re so lovely.” Bollocks. That had just slipped out. He really couldn’t help it. Ben was looking at him like that, with those lips and eyes and his brain had finally finished scrawling through appropriate words and just spat one out before he could control it.

Ben looked a little bit taken aback, and a little bit like he didn’t fully believe Callum. “I’ve been called many, many things in my life, but I think that’s the first ‘lovely’ I’ve ever had!” he replied, before turning his head with a frown towards the door. In the background, Callum thought he could make out someone calling Ben’s name. “I’ll be five minutes, Lo!”

The voice got louder as the sound of a door swinging open filled the air. “Ben!” the voice hissed loudly. “Would you hurry up! Lexi’s getting grumpy and Jay’s gonna shovel all the popcorn in his mouth before the rest of us have even sat down!”

Ben flicked his hand towards the screen in annoyance. “I’ll talking to Callum, Lo,” he explained with gritted teeth, as if she should understand what that meant. “I’ll be five more minutes!”

“Oh, is this Callum? Let’s have a look!” the voice exclaimed excitedly, before a young blonde woman appeared in view. He nervously gave a little wave as she started to clap Ben on the back. “Wow! Well done you!”

Frowning in response, Ben scowled at his friend. “What did you expect, Lo? That I’d be chatting up some kind of bridge troll?” he replied, and Callum suddenly felt that he was intruding on a conversation, but liked what he was hearing too much to offer to leave.

“Well that would be an adequate description for some of the things that have crawled out of your bedroom,” she replied, with a disgusted face at the memory. “Anyway, are you ready or not?

Callum could see Ben pointedly glance toward the screen, before raising his eyebrows at Lola. “Oh for god’s sake, Ben,” she said with a sigh. “Just invite him!”

Ben hesitated for a moment before turning to the screen and opening his mouth a few times. “Do you wanna watch a film together this afternoon?” he muttered quietly, not looking at the screen, but down at his hands.

Callum was a little confused. This whole situation was entirely baffling and felt like a dream, but he was sure he hadn’t imagined that they were in a quarantined pandemic. Lola seemed to sense the misunderstanding, as she tutted at Ben. “He don’t mean together, obviously,” she explained, while elbowing Ben into looking up at the screen. “You’d be in your place and we’d be here. We’d just watch the same movie. You can still both keep your phone on so you can continue to make heart eyes at each other.”

That earnt her a glare from Ben, which she shrugged off easily. “We’re watching ‘Aladdin’, not the cartoon one,” she continued to explain. “But the new one with real people in it.”

“I don’t have the film,” Callum explained, disappointed. He was sure it wasn’t on Netflix and he definitely didn’t have the DVD. Perhaps Mick and Linda would have it for Ollie, but there wasn’t exactly a chance of him getting it for the next few weeks.

“It’s on Disney Plus. You can just stream it,” Lola said, bending closer to the screen and squinting slightly. “I can see what you mean about his eyes, Ben.”

The comment and the intense scrutiny made him blush a little more; he just hoped whatever comment Ben had made to Lola was complimentary. Not that he had the eyes of a psychopath or anything. He resisted the urge to blurt out that he was relatively sane, holding a hand up in warning at Plant before he contradicted the statement.

“I don’t have Disney Plus,” he explained. He had seen the adverts, but money was tight as it was; he wasn’t going to pay out a fiver a month for films he wasn’t really interested in watching in the first place. “Am I supposed to?”

Ben waved away his worries. “We only got it cause Lex likes to watch the cartoons,” he explained, before Lola burst out laughing.

“Excuse me, who was it who spent Saturday afternoon curled up watching High School musical?” she said between giggles. “And you chucked Lex off the sofa to do it, and all!”

“It’s not just me!” Ben protested. “Jay watches all those superhero movies on there as well!”

Callums interest was now piqued. “There’s superhero films on there?” he asked, hoping the excitement wasn’t too evident in his voice.

Apparently, he didn’t try hard enough though. “See, there you are! He’s interested now!” Lola said nudging Ben. “You like all those men running around in skin tight outfits, do ya Callum?”

Callum gave a little smile and tried to dismiss the idea with a shake of his head, but he knew he probably wasn’t fooling anyone. Especially not Plant who had been shaking his leaves in despair when Callum had spent the other evening sketching out a costume for Mystery Man.

“Right Callum, you download the app on your tv and I’ll text you through the password,” Lola explained as she went to turn off the call and hand the phone to Ben. “See you soon!”

Just as Callum was about to reach for his tv remote, he realised that Lola couldn’t have switched the call off properly and he could still hear their voices coming through the speaker.

“You’re giving him our password?” Ben’s voice asked in disbelief. “You won’t even let me have the password!”

“Yeah, well I can trust you about as far as I can throw you!”, she muttered back. “Him however, with his big Bambi eyes, looks like he should have a herd of woodland animals frolicking around him! You not trust him?”

“No, I do,” Ben replied, though Callum thought he could sense some doubt there. “I would have given him the password, if I had it!”

“I know exactly what you want to give him!” Lola replied with a cackle. “Here, giveus his number so I can message him.”

Callum quickly ended the call on his end, feeling a little guilty about eavesdropping. By the time he had downloaded the app, Lola had messaged him with the password. He picked the icon for his account, giving a little smile when he added it to the page with Ben’s family. Quickly, he made a cup of tea and got some biscuits out the cupboard, placing a Rich Tea next to Plant before settling down on the sofa just as his phone rang.

“You ready?” Ben asked, and Callum could now see he was in a different room, with the light slightly dimmed. He looked so handsome. He made a mental note to colour Mystery Man’s costume in red. That would suit him best

“Yeah, I’m all set,” he replied. He’d found the right film and paused it as instructed.

“Right,” Ben said, giving him a smile and turning the phone around. “Let me introduce you to the family. Say hi to Callum, Lexi,” he encouraged, and he could see the little blonde girl, dressed in a unicorn onesie sitting next to Ben on the sofa, giving him a cheerful wave. “Then you’ve met Lola, obviously. And then there’s Jay.”

Ben turned the phone around to aim the camera at a stony faced red headed man slouching grumpily in an armchair. “Hi Jay!” Callum offered, not quite sure of the response he’d get.

“You alright, mate,” the man replied unenthusiastically, before suddenly sitting up with a start and looking at the screen. “You’ve got Captain America as your icon! You like Marvel?”

Callum nodded eagerly, pleased that Ben’s friend had cheered up a little. “Yeah mate. I’m at the cinema for every opening night,” he replied.

“Thank God!” Jay exclaimed, tapping his arms down on his chair. “I’m stuck in a house with three people who throw a paddy if someone don’t burst into song five minutes into a movie. I want to watch them all in chronological order at some point, if I can kick old Fred Astaire off his musicals for five minutes. You up for that?

“I’ve wanted to do that for ages!” Callum replied back. “What better time than a lockdown, eh?”

“Uh, excuse me, do you two want to be alone?” Ben interrupted harshly.

Jay rolled his eyes slightly. “I’ll tell you what Ben, if you don’t want him, I’m half tempted,” he said, before dodging the cushion thrown in his direction.

“Can we just watch the film, please?” Lola exclaimed loudly, before lowering her voice and leaning towards the camera. “Right ours is paused on 3 seconds. Callum, press play in three, two, one, go!”

Callum started the film and then sat back, propping the phone so the screen was facing him. He looked over and Ben had done the same, positioning it so he could see everyone in the room. Ben gave him a warm smile, and Callum couldn’t help but return it. He leaned his head closer slightly, feeling more part of that room than he could ever do in his own. Slowly, as the characters burst into song on screen, he could feel his eyes close contently.

Waking up with a start, Callum rubbed his hand over his fuzzy eyes. The room was dimmed, and the bright light from his tv screensaver beamed out at him, grating his still sleepy eyesight. For a few seconds, he wasn’t sure what day it was, or if he was late for work, or if it was his day off. He heard a noise that sounded like his name, but he knew he was alone in his flat. Curiously, he glanced towards the kitchen but it was all quiet and Plant seemed to be having a sulk, having not eaten any of his biscuit.

The sight of the Rich Tea seemed to jolt his brain back to life and he quickly swivelled his head to the other side, blinking his eyes to see four faces waving at him from the phone and calling his name loudly.

“Sorry,” he said, sitting up abruptly and picking up his phone from where it was leaning at an angle.

“You do know it was Aladdin we were watching, mate?” Jay remarked. “Not Sleeping Beatuty. Hope you weren’t waiting for true loves kiss to wake you up. Not advisable during a pandemic, plus this one ain’t exactly Prince Charming!”

“Alright! Leave him alone!” Ben ordered, taking the phone in his hand. “I’ve got to go plug in my mobile to charge, so say goodbye to this lot who have watched you sleep for the past hour.”

Callum waved goodbye to Jay, Lola and Lexi as they all said their farewells. Ben started to walk up the stairs, carrying the phone as he went. “I’ll be honest; I ain’t had anyone fall asleep on me on a first date before. Well not at the start anyway.”

“Sorry,” Callum apologised again. “I guess I was more tired than I thought.”

“You shouldn’t go jogging at stupid o’clock in the morning then, should you!” Ben scolded with a grin as he entered a different room. “It’s alright. You looked cute and I don’t even mind the snoring.”

“I don’t snore!” he protested weakly, trying to subtly look around Ben’s room. The thought of being in his bedroom, made his cheeks warm up as though he was a teenager being invited up to the room of a boy he fancied. Not that ever happened to him, of course. He felt like he was living it now though, even if it was only through a screen. Ben’s words suddenly hit his brain, and then he couldn’t help but burst into a grin. “So what would you normally be doing now on a date then? Say we’d gone for a drink or something?”

“At this point?” Ben asked, and his face descended into a smile as he leaned back on his bed. “Most likely be fumbling with your trousers on my doorstep.”

“Ben!” Callum exclaimed, but he couldn’t help but notice his body tingling alive.

“What!” Ben replied. “You asked! Besides, the way you look, we wouldn’t have made it till the end of the first drink, let alone the doorstep.”

Callum knew his cheeks were definitely pinking up now, but he felt more confident in himself than he ever had before. “You think you’re that good do you?”

“Oh I know I’m that good,” Ben smirked in response. “But it wouldn’t have been me dragging you out of there. You can give it the Disney eyes to Lola all you want, but I can see what’s really in there.”

Despite being in separate rooms, in different houses, in opposite sides of the town, Callum could sense the air between them thicken, and he could almost hear Ben’s breath darken as his own increased. The moment was snapped though, when he could hear Jay calling Ben’s name, breaking the intensified contact.

“I’m being called for dinner because we have to eat every single meal together apparently,” Ben said with a roll of his eyes. “Because spending every other waking minute with each other isn’t quite enough, we’ve got to do it while shovelling food in our gobs as well!”

“Ok,” Callum replied, not sure what the right thing to say was. He didn’t want to appear desperate, but the thought of turning his phone off and going back to the solitary darkness of his flat brought a sadness he struggled to fight off.

“I don’t want to go,” Ben said in a quiet whisper, and Callum knew it wasn’t just to avoid dinner.

“Me either,” he replied with a smile of solidarity. He paused for a moment, before asking a question that had been plaguing him. “Is this crazy? What’s going on between us?”

Ben seemed to think for a minute, trying to find the right words perhaps. “Everything is crazy at the moment. It’s crazy that I can’t see my mum, it’s crazy that my businesses have shut down, it’s crazy that one of the neighbours husband’s was fine last week and now he’s in hospital, it’s crazy that my daughter can’t go to school, it’s crazy that I see the nurse who lives over the road get out of her car every evening with tears rolling down her face. It’s all crazy, Callum. It all feels wrong. The only thing that has felt right was meeting you.”

Callum could feel the lump in his throat build, and he daren’t even look at Plant because if he was crying then it might just send him off. He simply nodded back at Ben to signal that he felt the same.

“Call me before you go to sleep, okay?” Ben offered, and at that moment Callum knew he would probably have dragged him out the bar before they even had the first drink.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Disney Plus doesn't have a Captain America icon, so I embellished that a bit! Not that the rest is super serious and realistic or anything!  
> Thank you for all the kind words about this strange little something!


	4. Come Fly With Me

“You never had that £500 quid before! Put it back now!”

Callum gave a chuckle as Jay reached across the board, knocking all the pieces over as he went. For the last two and a half hours, he had been involved in the most unusual game of Monopoly he had ever taken part in. It shouldn’t seem right when you were in one place and the rest of the players were halfway across town, but though the strangest, it certainly was the most enjoyable.

“You’ve knocked over all my hotels, you clumsy git!” Ben protested, scooping all his money out of his brother’s reach. “I will charge you extra if you land on my properties now. Money for all the repairs I need to make.”

“You’ve taken money from the bank! You ain’t had any cash for ages apart from that £10 for coming in second in a beauty contest, and that must have been judged by Stevie Wonder,” Jay sneered out.

“Well it’s no surprise is it, with my good looks,” Ben replied with a smirk, knocking Jay’s hand away from trying to snatch his money.

“I did say to you we shouldn’t have made Ben the banker!” Lola added in, trying to readjust the fallen over houses. “You sit him next to a load of cash, it’ll be shoved in his pocket in the time it takes you to blink. I said Callum should be the banker.”

“Yeah, how was he gonna do that all the way from his flat, Lo?” Ben replied, lining his hotels up perfectly. “You expect him to use telekinesis to hand out the money?”

“Just shut up and roll the dice will you!” Lola replied, leaning towards the camera to give Callum a smile. He liked that about her. She’d always make him feel included. “Next time we have a double date, Cal, we won’t let these two pick the activity, alright?”

“Oh yeah, there were so many options!” Ben remarked while shaking the dice in his hand. “We could all have sat around watching Jay grout the tiles in the bathroom!”

Lola gave him a scowl as he dropped the dice on the board. “Just move the car you insisted on having as your piece, will you!”

Ben moved his car a few spaces, landing on Mayfair, before handing the dice over to Jay. “Go on, see if you can get that old boot of yours past Go,” he said, as Jay glared at him.

Callum looked down at the board from the screen, squinting. “Wait, hang about Jay,” he called, stilling the other man’s movement. “Mayfair. That’s mine!”

Ben exhaled loudly and gave a roll of his eyes as he slouched back, glaring towards his brother. “You had to roll the dice at the speed of a tortoise giving a blowie didn’t you? I almost got away with that!”

“What does he owe me, Lo?” Callum called out, pleased at his spot.

Lola picked up the card, before taking a glance at the board. “Well, as you’ve got two hotels that’s…four grand!” she said, her face lighting up.

“I’ll owe it you, babe,” Ben said to the screen. “Right, come on Jay, that boot won’t move itself.”

“Nah,” Callum called out, shaking his head. “I want it now.”

Sighing heavily, Ben started to count through his money. “In all the different ways I imagined you saying that, Callum, this was not one of them!” he huffed. “I’m about to pass Go in a minute, I’ll give that to you.”

“That ain’t in the rules!” Callum replied with a smirk, enjoying his little victory. “You’ll just have to sell some of your property.”

“I ain’t getting rid of my stations!” Ben exclaimed holding them close. “I always have the stations!”

“Actually, you won’t have anything at all,” Lola said, squinting at his cards. “Even if you sold everything you’ve got, you still ain’t got enough to pay him. He’s made you bankrupt!”

Both her and Jay collapsed in giggles, as Ben turned to face the screen accusingly. “Callum, you ain’t serious are you?” he asked gravely. “You wouldn’t do that to me.”

“I don’t make up the rules, Ben,” he said, looking towards Plant. They had a similar discussion over a ferocious game of Hide and Seek the other day. “Do you have the money or not?”

“I knew we shouldn’t have given you that boat for your piece,” Ben muttered back. “Brings you back to the army does it? All those rules and regulations!”

“Boats are Navy, you pillock!” Jay added in. “Anyway, it’s more a law and order thing, ain’t it? A bit the police reading you your rights. Here y’are, look, have my get out of jail free card! I’ve noticed you eying that up! Put it in your wallet, it might come in handy!”

Before he could add something to the conversation that he wanted to bring up anyway, Ben turned back to the screen. “Callum, I swear to you when all this is done, I will pay you back in ways that you can’t even imagine,” he promised loudly, with a salacious wink.

“You can’t prostitute yourself to get out of paying debt!” Lola argued. “That definitely ain’t in the rules. Anyway keep your voice down, you know Lexi ain’t been sleeping properly.”

“He’s not just some random john!” Ben countered back. “He’s my b…he’s the guy in the lockdown I…well he’s on a promise, ain’t he? Come on, Callum!”

There was a moment, when Ben was giving him sorrowful eyes and cute pouty lips that he would have let him have anything in the world had he asked. That was just for a few seconds though, and his competitive and stubborn nature kicked in. He’d give him everything, accept a win at Monopoly. “I ain’t backing down. I did tell you not to buy everything you landed on. I might just have to go track down the fella who won first prize in the beauty contest if you’re gonna get the hump.”

“Oh, mate! This is brilliant!” Jay replied, ruffling Ben’s hair harshly as he pouted. “He’s got you right under his thumb. This is amazing.”

As Jay rolled the dice, Lola came closer to the phone. “You are the gift that keeps on giving, Callum,” she said with a smile. “I’m loving you so much right now.”

He knew the words were just said in the moment and exaggerated, but it still put a smile on his face. There weren’t many times in his life like he felt he belonged, but this was certainly one of them. In the back of his mind though, he wondered how long it would really last.

“He’s an eight. I wouldn’t kick him out of bed.”

Callum chewed on another piece of popcorn, and tried not to smirk at the phone. He knew Ben was looking at the screen and trying to command his attention. He and Jay had planned to start their Marvel marathon today, and Ben insisted on being included.

“Are you seriously going to rank every single character through every film?” Jay asked loudly. “If so, you can get on your bike now. We’re watching for the story, not because we want to kop off with every other character. Ain’t that right, Callum?”

He could have very quickly agreed with Jay. Just a nod of his head. But that continual image of Mystery Man, teamed with several of Thor just seemed to freeze his brain for a moment too long.

Ben’s laugh broke him out of his daydream. “Oh yeah, no untoward thoughts whatsoever, there Jay,” he said, giving Callum a consoling tap at the screen. “Besides when Catwoman appears on the telly, I’m sure you’ll be drooling into your Haribo.”

Callum froze, his whole body tensing, the popcorn he was gripping in his fingers falling back into the bowl. Plant was looking at him haughtily, reminding him that he’d said time after time about how Ben seemed to good to be true and Callum should stop getting his hopes up. This wouldn’t last forever.

“Ben,” he said slowly, his voice deep and low as he pulled the phone closer. “You do know that Catwoman isn’t part of this universe, don’t you?”

Jay started laughing in the background. “You’re going to get chucked, for your lack of Marvel knowledge!” he remarked, clapping his hands together. “That’ll teach you for saying that my virginity was growing back every time I went to see one of the films! You’re talking yourself out of getting your leg over mate!”

“I’m taking an interest now, ain’t I?” Ben replied defensively. “I’m missing out on Lola scrubbing the kitchen cupboards out to sit here with you two! I’m well up for Captain America. You know I like a boy in an army uniform!”

“No, that one weren’t Captain America!” Callum replied, going back to his popcorn, and wondering if it was a little too much if he just introduced a little khaki into his lockdown wardrobe choices. “He’s the one that you gave a three to and said it brought ‘new meaning to having to be blind drunk.’”

“That were him!” Ben said, frowning at the screen. “That didn’t look anything like him! That’s the guy you had as your icon?”

Callum nodded, and noted suspiciously how Ben had used the past tense. For a few days now, every time he brought up Disney Plus his icon was now either Bambi or Aurora. He’d tried changing it back once, thinking it was just a glitch, but clearly there was foul play involved.

Before the conversation could carry on any further, Lola walked into the room. “Ben, I need to speak to Callum for a second,” she whispered over the sound of the film.

Ben just glanced over to the phone and back to his friend. “Well fill your boots before I get hung up on for not knowing who Batman’s best friend is,” he smirked, before turning to Jay and crinkling his nose. “Captain America gets fitter right?”

“Can I speak to him alone please?” she said insistently, holding out her hand. “You can pause the film for a sec, can’t you?”

Scratching his chin curiously, Ben looked suspiciously at Lola, before reaching over and handing her the phone. Callum felt a little confused, like he was suddenly going to be identified as a trespasser. That’s the feeling that surged through him sometimes when he got too comfortable. The feeling like the film of this thin bubble was going to burst and he’d be back with a bump in his flat. Alone.

He watched as Lola carried him though to the kitchen, holding his breath in case he was going to be chucked head first through the back door and told never to return again. Though he suspected the easier option would be just to hang up the call rather than destroy a couple of hundreds of quid’s worth of machinery.

Lola sat down at the kitchen table, kicking the door slightly closed with her foot. “I don’t want to talk now, otherwise Tweedledum and Tweedletwat will try and earhole their way in, but is it alright if I call you later? You ain’t busy are you?

Callum let out a little laugh at that. “Well I’m watering my plant at six and then I’ve got to take the bins out at eight, but I’m sure I can squeeze you in at some point,” he replied, hoping Plant knew that he was just joking. He’d already had some water this morning and that coffee the other day had sent his leaves wild. He wasn’t getting anything else, no matter how hard he begged.

“You know what I mean!” Lola replied with a giggle. “I know none of us are exactly chocablock, but I don’t want to interrupt your cosy little sweet nothing sessions that you have with Ben every night! He’d get a right cob on if I did that.”

Callum’s smile rose at the mention. They would always talk every night before bed. It wasn’t about anything in particular; just little bits from their life sometimes, Ben would talk about something funny Lexi had done that day, or a story from when he and Jay were younger. They’d chat about tv shows or music, anything really. And sometimes nothing. Sometimes they would just sit there in silence together. That was his favourite time.

“Course,” he responded to Lola, nodding clearly so she’d know he was happy to do it. “About half seven?”

“Brill,” she said, and it was almost like a little bit of worry drained off her face. “I’ll see you then. I better get you back to his highness!”

After they’d finished watching the film, Callum has said goodbye to Jay, promising to meet again the same time tomorrow, which earned an ill-disguised exasperated sigh from Ben. He seemed placated a little though when Callum promised to call him before bed.

Tidying the flat and cleaning the bathroom took up a little of his time before he knew Lola was going to call. There was a rawness to his hands and there was a worry he was going overboard; that his head was worrying him into overdoing it. He didn’t want to fall into old habbits and obsess about the wrong thing.

Sitting down on the sofa with a glass of orange juice, he started skimming through social media as he waited. Oh good, someone else had given a go at making hot cross buns. In the past few days, he’d seen every possible recipe; egg-free, milk free, sugar free, gluten free, vegan, and in one unmitigated disaster, someone had made a savoury version with mushrooms. He was a chef, yet didn’t feel the need to post every egg on toast he made online.

Suddenly, he heard a knocking. He dropped his phone quickly and jumped up to go answer before stopping mid way through the room. Who the hell was that?

They were in the middle of a lockdown, he wasn’t really expecting guests. That was one of the highlights of isolation. He wouldn’t have to answer the door at half nine on a Sunday to some well intentioned person who dropped in for a chat after he’d been working till the early hours of the morning. The flip side of that was that his flat had never been so tidy and it was the only time he was ready for visitors.

It most definitely wasn’t someone popping round for a chat then. It could be a delivery! Though he couldn’t remember ordering anything. Stuart had a knack of sending around things he thought his brother might need though. When two dozen egss appeared on his doorstep the other day, he had to check them thoroughly to make sure they were chicken’s and he wouldn’t crack one open to find a baby gecko fall out.

Unlocking the front door, he opened it just a slither so he could peak outside. There was no one there. The whole hallway was quiet. There was also nothing there; no surprise package, no misdelivered box and no shipment of three dozen toilet rolls that had fallen off a lorry and had Stu’s finger prints all over them.

Closing the door, he frowned. It could have been a neighbour’s door the knocking was at, he supposed. He padded back into the lounge when he heard the sound again. Only it wasn’t coming from his front door, but the balcony.

Callum stilled. The idea of someone at the front door was unlikely, but the prospect of someone scaling up four floors to appear on his balcony was preposterous at any time. Unless there was a web to help them. No that was ridiculous. His flat was the perfect hight for a T-Rex though. The blind was closed so he couldn’t see what was outside as he slowly crept towards a noise. Please don’t be a dinosaur. Please don’t be a dinosaur.

Quickly, he pulled the blind aside and came face to face with the largest pigeon he had ever seen in his life, pecking furiously away at the glass door. Callum’s breath slowed down a little now. It was fine. Sure, it had a rabid look in its eye, but it was out there and he was in here. There wasn’t even a slight worry when three more equally sized monsters came and landed near it. He was perfectly safe. He was scared shitless, but perfectly safe. “Unless they figure out how to open doors, eh?” he remarked with a smirk, turning towards Plant.

Fuck. The counter was empty, Plant had gone. No, wait that was absurd. He knew the risks of social distancing, he would never go out into the world. Well that and he had no legs of course. Thinking back, Callum closed his eyes and could kick himself for his own stupidity. Looking out onto the balcony, past the flock of winged satans, laying back in his sun lounger was Plant.

One of the monsters was getting dangerously close to his leaves, as if he could smell the waft of vegetation there. Did pigeons smell? Plant was thinking responsibly and not moving, hoping the birds visual perception was compromised. There probably wasn’t enough time to google ‘How well can pigeons smell and see’. There was only one thing for it. He had to go out there.

This was absurd. He was a soldier. He had been to war, he could handle a few birds. What’s the worse that could happen? Well, he supposed they could peck his eyes out and leave his rotting corpse on the balcony where it wouldn’t be discovered until the end of lockdown. He lived alone, it wasn’t like anyone would know he was missing.

Then he remembered Ben. He would notice. The thought that he had someone who would raise an alarm if he was torn apart by a set of vicious pigeons warmed his heart. It was something he had always wanted. Not so much the death by birds, but someone who looked at him, someone who saw him and noticed.

Furiously, he swung open the door and strode confidently to the chair, waving away a particularly gurning beaky bastard that tried to peck at the belt on his jeans. The wretched soul just glared at him, nodding its head up and down as if imagining that it was digging his guts out with its beak. Picking up Plant, he held him close and hurried back inside, slamming the door shut and fumbling to lock it. Just in case.

Gently, he settled Plant back on his counter. He was clearly ruffled, the ordeal plunging him into silence. Looking around, Callum grabbed his glass of orange juice from the counter and poured a little into his soil before stopping sharply. Oranges came from a plant. Was he forcing cannibalism onto him?

Before he could think any further about it, his phone began to ring and he strode back into the lounge area to sit back on the couch, answering the call just in time. Callum couldn’t help but smile widely as Lola and Lexi appeared on screen.

“Hi Callum,” the little blonde girl said, giving a wave. By the surroundings, he could tell they were sitting on the bed in Lexi’s room.”

“Hey Darlin’,” he said, calling back enthusiastically. Callum didn’t think it was possible to get to know people over the phone, especially a child. They were astute and didn’t suffer fools gladly, but Lexi always had a smile for him and he enjoyed listening to all the stories and songs she created. “You all ready for bed?”

Lexi nodded and Lola put her arm around her. “We’re just about ready to get tucked in,” she replied, pausing before gently stroking her daughter’s hair. “We’ve been having bad dreams though and getting a bit scared. I told Lex you was in the army, so I thought you might tell us that it’s alright if we’re feeling a little bit scared right now.”

There was a break in Lola’s voice as she got to the end of the sentence, though she had plastered a large smile on her face for Lexi’s benefit. It didn’t reach her eyes, which were watering with tears that he could tell she was inwardly begging not to fall.

Callum tried to keep his smile up too. He wasn’t sure what to say, and maybe that was for the best. There really wasn’t anything he could prepare that could have any impact. So instead he just decided to speak with his heart. “Mummy’s right, Lex,” he started, glancing at Lola and nodding his head a little to say that it was ok. “I was in the army, and I was with some of the bravest and strongest men and women that you could ever meet. One guy I served with could lift two blokes the size of me up in his arms!”

“Really?” she giggled, resting her head on Lola’s shoulder. “Would he have been able to lift me as well?

“A little butterfly like you he could have done with his little finger, I bet!” Callum responded, pleased to have made her smile. “Anyway, one day I was feeling afraid, and this fella he came to see me. I was trying to pretend that I weren’t scared or nothing, and he said something really important. He said that it’s okay to be scared, because if you’re frightened it means you’re doing something really, really brave!”

“Do you think I’m being brave?” Lexi asked, her eyes widening hopefully.

“Are you joking?” Callum replied. “You are the bravest of them all! It ain’t about keeping things to yourself, Lex. You’re helping your mum, your dad, Jay and me not be scared. It’s like the fella I was telling you about. He weren’t brave cause he could carry us all up in his arms. He was strong because he lifted us all up and made us feel less alone.”

“You ready for bed now, missus?” Lola asked her daughter, giving her a little kiss on the forehead as Lexi nodded, burrowing into her pillow. “Alright then, baby. Snuggle down, Daddy’s going to come up and tell you a story in a minute, okay? I’ll leave your nightlight on.”

Lexi said goodnight to Callum as Lola adjusted the lamp by her bed slightly and gave her another kiss goodnight. She took the phone out the room, pulling the door so it was mostly closed as she went, then headed to what Callum assumed was her and Jay’s room.

“Thanks,” she said, perching on her bed. “She’s not been sleeping well since being off school. Nothing I’ve said works, and Ben will give her all the hugs and kisses in the world, but won’t acknowledge that she’s been scared shitless by everything.”

“That’s okay,” he replied softly, not knowing if anything he said had helped even a little bit. “How are you, Lo?”

Callum could see her lip start to tremble and her eyes dart to the side, trying desperately to hold all the tears in. It was no use though, they defeated her and soon fell in tracks down her cheeks. “I’m finding it really hard to be honest,” she confessed, as she sniffed back her sadness. “You know I weren’t properly living with Jay before this?” she asked, trying to wipe away the tears, but failing before more fell harshly. Callum shook his head. “I love him and all, but being trapped in a house with the same people, having the same conversations and the same arguments, it’s a lot. And I can’t talk to him about it cause he’ll just get the hump like I’m saying I want to break up, and I can’t talk to Ben because he’ll start to worry. I just feel really alone right now, Callum.”

She started to sob, her words coming out in chokes that couldn’t be held back, and Callum wished more than anything he was there right now so he could hold her tight and not let go. “I get it,” he reassured her. And he did. There were many times in his life where he was with someone else, or with a hundred someone elses, and he still felt lonely. When he still felt that he was completely by himself. “But remember what I said to Lex? You’re holding up so many people right now, Lo. You just need to look out for yourself a bit. Don’t think about tomorrow; you can’t control that or take control yet. It’s like trying to fight an enemy that ain’t even got out of bed yet. I’m always here, yeah? If you want someone to talk to or shout at! I’m always here.”

Lola nodded while ripping little bits of the tissue she had been holding with one hand. “I don’t think I could ever shout at you!” she replied, as her breath settled a little and her tears slowed. “Though you did take a while to answer the phone earlier, I was wondering if you were screening me!”

“Oh yeah, sorry about that,” he apologised. “I had a bird at the door.”

Lola’s hand stilled from trying to remove her melted mascara. “A bird?” she repeated. “At your flat?”

Callum nodded in confirmation. “Yeah, wouldn’t leave me alone. All over me like a rash,” he said, furrowing his brow in confusion when Lola started to purse her mouth. “I thought my belt was gonna come clean off before I even got through the door. All that bobbing up and down with the head made me go completely stiff; I didn’t think I was gonna make it inside!”

Lola’s face was harsh now, and she was barely looking at the screen. “I mean Ben said you’d only just come out, but to be honest, I didn’t expect you to cheat on him,” she remarked, her voice getting firmer and louder. “I know you two ain’t exactly dating in the most traditional of ways, but it’s still gonna really hurt him to find out you’ve been banging some tart! Ex-girlfriend was it? Or just some slapper you picked up on one of your runs?”

Callum held up a hand to stop her. “Lo! Lola!” he called trying to slow her down. “What are you talking about? What girl?”

Pausing and staring at the screen, she started to speak slowly. “The girl you just mentioned. ‘I had a bird at my door’ you said,” she repeated. “That’s why you couldn’t answer the phone quickly. Cause you were getting your nozzle serviced by some bint.”

Callum grinned at her. “It weren’t a girl, Lo,” he corrected. “It was an actual bird, like a pigeon. The little git was pecking at my balcony door!”

“Oh,” she said slowly, before silence took over the call for a moment. This was soon interrupted when they both burst out laughing. “I’m so sorry Callum! I should have known. I’m just a bit protective of Ben. He may walk around with a face like a cat being drowned in a bath, but he does really like you and it’ll kill him if he gets his heart broken. And I may have only really seen the top half of your body, but my sources have told me that the rest of you is ‘fit as fuck’. I think that’s the phrase that was used! Is that why you did all that jogging? In the hopes you’d pull a moody and mardy brunette guy with an add on family?

“Nah,” he said with a laugh, pleased that Lola was no longer angry at him. “It’s just good to get out. Obviously, it’s gonna help with my assessment too, but I could just do all my exercise at home for that really. It’s is mainly so I can get a bit of air.”

“What do you mean ‘assessment’?” she asked, curiously

Callum realised that he hadn’t ever mentioned his career hopes, but perhaps that was because he didn’t want to be embarrassed if he failed. “Oh, I’m applying to join the police,” he replied, feeling he could confide in Lola. “There’s a lot of fitness tests involved and I want to be ready for them once this lockdown’s over. Obviously, there’s other sides to the application as well, such as-”

Lola was now looking straight down the camera with her eyes wide and mouth open. She stayed like that for a few seconds before an involuntary cackle jumped out of her throat, and she quickly put her hand up to her mouth to muffle the sound. It was no use though, her body was now shaking with laughter. “Are you serious?” she replied, her voice barely recognisable through the giggles. “You ain’t pulling my leg? You’re actually going to become a copper?”

Blush hitting his cheeks, Callum felt embarrassed talking about it now. He knew that it was an ambitious dream to have considering he only worked in a pub now, but he hoped that people would have least have a sympathetic reaction. “Yeah,” he replied softly. “I know it won’t be easy and I might not even get in on the first try, or at all, but I want to give it a go. Is it that ridiculous?”

“No! No!” Lola assured him, though the tears of laughter weren’t helping to convince him. “I think it’s an amazing idea. Hold on, we need to go tell Jay.”

Callum sat back as Lola headed back down the stairs with the phone. He wondered where Ben was, looking out to see if he could see him from the screen, before remembering that he was probably reading Lexi a story. When he couldn’t see him, he could always close his eyes and imagine him in his head, but nothing compared to the real thing. Even through a screen.

Finally, Lola had located Jay in the lounge and thrust the phone in front of him. “Ask Callum why he goes jogging,” she said giving her boyfriend a little tap on the shoulder, as she beamed down at him.

“What you on about?” Jay asked, resting his head on his hand. “You on a wind up? He does it because he’s bored of staring at the same four walls day after day.”

“Just ask him, Jay!” Lola repeated instantly, perching on the side of the armchair.

“Callum, why do you go jogging every day?” he asked, making each syllable as expressionless as possible, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

Swiping his eyes to Lola, Callum started to answer when she gave a little nod of encouragement. “I’m in training and want to keep my fitness up for when I can eventually do my assessment,” he replied, the uncertainty in his voice showing through.

“You in training for Tokyo mate?” Jay asked jokingly. “You might be in with a shot now the Olympics has been delayed a year,

Callum gave a laugh. “No, nothing like that,” he replied. “I’m trying to join the police.”

Jay sat up so quickly it almost knocked Lola off the arm of the chair. “Are you serious? Is he serious?” he asked fervently, his grin expanding when his girlfriend nodded. “You’re actually going to be a copper?”

“Well I’m gonna try,” he explained again. “I’ve still got all the assessments to do. Why, do you not think I should?”

The reaction he was getting was a confusing one, and not one that he’d hoped he’d be receiving when he told people. “Mate, you should definitely do this,” Jay said nodding vehemently. “You would be great, wouldn’t he Lo?”

“You have to go for this, Callum,” she said reassuringly, as Jay clapped his hands together and started laughing. “You would be an excellent policeman.”

“What was that film we watched the other week, Lo?” Jay said tapping his girlfriend enthusiastically while he continued to unsuccessfully stifle his laughter. “The one where Di Caprio was a pilot, only he weren’t a real pilot.”

“Catch Me If You Can,” she answered, before the realisation of Jay’s inference hit her. “Can you imagine? Them having covert phone calls! Then Callum would catch up with him, show him his truncheon and then let him go! They’d leave little love letters out for each other at each crime scene!”

They both dissolved into fits of giggles then, leaving Callum slightly confused, but grateful that they seemed at least to encourage his career. Jay stopped suddenly, leaning into the screen. “Does Ben know you want to be a copper? Have you told him?” he asked with conviction. Callum shook his head. “Then please God, can I?”

“That’s not fair!” Lola said, hitting him on the arm. “Callum told me first; I should be the one that’s allowed to tell Ben. I’ll tell you what, we’ll do Rock Paper Scissors for it!”

Ben. He didn’t think it was a big deal that he hasn’t told him he was applying to the police. He really hadn’t told that many people at all. It was just another step on choosing something that he actually wanted to do in his life. He’s spent so many years going along with what he assumed other people expected. Ben wouldn’t laugh at his dream, would he?

That evening before bed, he spoke with Ben as usual. It was their routine now. Everyone in Ben’s house had already gone to sleep, and Callum tided a few bits up in the lounge, put on Plant’s nightlight and then headed to his room.

“Lola told me she thought you had a girl all tucked up in your flat with you!” Ben said with a laugh, leaning his hair back onto the headboard of his bed. “Heard she was trying to defend my honour. I told her I’d be more worried about some sexy delivery man not quite restricting himself to 2 metres than if you had a fleet of Playboy bunnies in your bedroom.”

“I had a few girls who I dated a little, but when I met Whitney, I thought that was it. I’d finally found someone who would have me,” he confessed, trying hard not to dwell too much on the darkness of that time.

“You’re pretty hot,” Ben replied with a smile. “You wouldn’t be short of offers on either side, babe.”

Callum shrugged. “You didn’t see me back then. I was hiding, weren’t I? Weren’t trying to be noticed for anything,” he said with a sigh. “Then one night, I just blurted it all out to her. She was upset, of course, but I think she understood. Deep down I think she knew something weren’t right. Mick and Linda were really good to me. I ain’t heard from my dad since. My brother took a little getting used to the idea, but I think his girlfriend helped with that a bit.”

“I would have known if I’d met you at the time,” Ben explained confidently.

Shaking his head, Callum knew he was wrong. “I was too good at hiding.”

“Callum, all it took was for you to run past me for two seconds! You looked me up and down in a way that had you not been a stickler for social distancing rules, my jeans would have been around my ankles about thirty seconds later! That old woman on that road who is always out watering her window boxes would have got the shock of her life,” he replied back, a look of certainty on his face.

“That’s not true!” Callum exclaimed, though it was absolutely true. “Even if it was, that’s just you. That’s one person who could see me. Once I was out, everyone looked at me like I was suddenly gonna have a string of blokes on my arm. I’d only ever asked out girls before and that was only because it didn’t matter what they said! If they said yes, then it would make everyone else happy and if they said no then I wouldn’t have to pretend. It’s different asking a bloke out.”

“Why didn’t you just run past them every day for a week?” Ben replied, his face turning a little shy. “That method seemed to have worked for you. So, you didn’t go on any dates with guys?”

Callum hesitated a little, before seeing Ben’s face be so open and receptive. “Well, no I did. Rainie set me up on a blind date with this fella,” he started to explain, before clearing his throat to help give him the courage to carry on. “He was so nice, and really sweet and had loads of stories about work and his family, and he seemed to really like me.”

Ben nodded. “Right, so how come you ain’t quarantined up in domestic bliss with Mr Super Sweet then?” he asked. Callum thought he could detect a hint of something in his voice, but it couldn’t possibly be jealousy.

“He was all of those things, but I just didn’t feel anything,” Callum replied, thinking back to everyone’s expectant faces when he returned from the date. “It was like they all expected me to just fall for the first person I went out with. There wasn’t that spark there though, you know? At least not on my end. I don’t know why.”

“Yeah, not to brag, but I’m not sure cutesy and nice is entirely what you get your rocks off to,” Ben replied with a wink.

“You ain’t exactly Jack the Ripper, are you?” Callum responded with a roll of his eyes. “We went on a second date anyway, because everyone kept on encouraging me to. I’d had a few to drink before hand; thought maybe it would build my confidence up to kiss him. I had a bit too much as it turns out, and when I leaned over I threw up all over his shoes. He disappeared pretty quickly after that.”

“Yeah, you’ve got to be at least a bit head over heels to put up with someone else’s sick,” Ben replied, and Callum was struck by how he didn’t look disgusted or appalled by his story. “And you ain’t gone on another date since?”

Callum shook his head. The first had been traumatic enough. When the thought even crossed his mind, he could just taste tequila and lime gagging in his throat. “It’s hard to meet someone.”

“There are literally hundreds of places online you can meet someone!” Ben replied, shaking his head.

“Yeah, well my first blind date didn’t exactly go to plan,” he remarked back. “And I’m never too sure what people want. I don’t just want to meet up with someone for sex. I don’t want that. I mean, I do want sex. I just want everything to be special, you know?”

He hoped that he hadn’t scared Ben off too much. Callum knew the other man was experienced and worldly in a way he wasn’t. He’d gathered that from the conversations they’d had and the ones he’d be privy to. Thankfully though, Ben just gave a soft smile. “Meaningful, you mean?” he said in barely a whisper. “Like this?”

Callum smiled back. “Exactly like this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @blueangel0909 twitter
> 
> @moodyblueangel tumblr


	5. An Affair to Remember

Callum would still go out on his run every day, but he changed from the morning until later on in the evening after several days of Ben cursing him for having to drag himself up at six o’clock in the morning.

Every day after dinner, he’d get changed and then he would run to the road where they met. It was like a beautiful torture, to be so close, just four or five metres apart. When they were on the phone, they were seemingly closer. They were near enough that he could count the freckles on Ben’s cheeks and see when his eyes darkened. There was an intimacy in that, and he quickly learned how to read Ben, his moods and his emotions.

Callum knew that if Ben looked down when he was saying something, or started to rub his eye, then he was nervous about the comment. That it would be something that would let a little emotion out or give away an intimate thought, or sometimes when he knew his words lack sincerity. When he chewed at his lip, you could almost hear his brain whirr with thoughts, the overwhelmingness of the cogs turning and lighting up springing some energy into the first place it could. Then when his eyes softened into an almond shape and the corners of his lips turned up, he looked content and happy. At ease.

Seeing Ben in the flesh was a totally different story. Callum could still make out the expressions on his face, though he had to squint a bit across the road. Even though there was distance, just sharing the same space made it feel more real. There were times that Callum thought that maybe he had made Ben up, no matter how long or frequent their calls were. It was different though in person. It was like seeing a picture of a painting in a book and finding it stunning, but then going to the gallery and seeing the actual item in person. The scale of it, the minute brushstrokes and the texture of the paint jumping out at you, dragging you into the artist’s world. That’s how he felt every time he met Ben on that road.

Often, it wouldn’t just be Ben alone on his walk. Sometimes Callum would be jogging along the street and he could see two figures making their way down the pavement on the opposite side of the road. A lot of the time, this would be Lexi, coming out with her dad for a walk before bed. She would always bring a picture with her to show, and it would always be of Callum dressed or drawn in a range of different guises.

“Look Callum!” she called out one day, enthusiastically waving some paper, as he stopped his run, leaning his hands on his legs as he took a deep gasp of air. “Look at your drawing!”

He squinted across the road as he made out what looked to be four legs and rainbow hair. “That’s beautiful, Lex!” he replied, calling over as he brushed the sweat off his head and pushed his hair out of his eyes where it had started to fall. He tried asking a question that might reveal a little more of what it was actually of, without letting the little girl know he hadn’t got the foggiest. “What made you draw that today?”

Lexi waved the picture in his direction while pointing at it with her other hand. “Well Mummy said you were a real life actual unicorn,” she replied in a serious tone, though her eyes perhaps showed a little doubt when she saw that Callum didn’t have hooves. “So I drawed you as one!”

“That’s amazing Lex,” he complemented, as the little girl jumped up and down a little. “I wish I could put it on the fridge. Why’d Mummy think I was a unicorn?”

Ben snorted a laugh at that. “It’s because you’re so horny, babe,” he smirked out.

“Ben!” Callum replied. He tried for hissing it in a whisper, but that didn’t work when you were fifteen feet away from someone, so he settled for nodding towards Lexi, as a warning for what he was saying

“What?” he replied, giving a shrug and then pointing towards Lexi’s picture. “Have you seen the size of your horn, Callum? All thick and hard. You’re very, very horny.”

Callum gave a shake of his head, glancing at Lexi who was none the wiser from the comment. He said goodbye to both of them, running backwards a little so he got as much time looking at them as possible, Ben shouting out about falling into a lamppost when he glanced round with a smile.

The next time Lexi appeared with Ben on their daily walk, she held another picture up for him to see. Again, he got as close to the kerb as he could, making out a large amount of blue in the picture and perhaps a car. Was he the car? He imagined being transformed into the vehicle, free to drive anywhere he wanted during the lockdown without having to stop, the sun beaming down on his bonnet and Plant’s leaves swaying in the breeze as they cruised down the road.

“You’re a policeman, Callum!” Lexi called out enthusiastically. “Look, you’ve got handcuffs and about to get in your police car! Mummy said that you’re a real life policeman!”

“Probably because of your big helmet, babe,” Ben called back, and Callum couldn’t help but drop his smile a little, not responding to the man’s quip. He knew that Jay and Lola wanted to tell Ben, and they would probably let it slip at some point, but he didn’t seem to show any acknowledgement that he knew though. It could just be Lexi overhearing conversations again. “Think you looked better as a unicorn though.”

Callum let out a delayed laugh. “Yeah, maybe,” he replied, and thanked the fates that there was a lady with a dog walking towards him. “I’ve got to go; I’ll call you later.” This time he didn’t look back.

Other times it would be Jay walking out with Ben, looking like he’d been dragged out kicking and screaming. He didn’t bring any pictures with him, and hoofed Ben in the shin when he once made the suggestion to bring a drawing to show. Callum shared a few words with him, but on days like that he and Ben just took the opportunity to just be near each other, to stand (at a distance) in front of each other and just look, their eyes doing the talking. It may seem strange and perfunctory, but it was the only time in the day they got to do it.

Often Jay would just glance back and forth between them, shaking his head and screwing up his nose before muttering a “Jesus Christ, Ben” and strolling on ahead. Then there were those times that Lola came with Ben, and he’d see her ploughing down the road, waving enthusiastically as she neared. Callum couldn’t help but smile.

They would just chat for a few seconds, Lola knowing that he couldn’t stop for very long at all. She did one day ask why they couldn’t cross the road and only be two metres apart. Both he and Ben shook their heads. They could do that of course, and still keep the social distancing rules, but Callum didn’t even think about it. He honestly wasn’t sure if he’d be able to keep away. The road served as a divider, and he hated that, but he needed that. Otherwise, he knew that one day he would slip if Ben was in just touching distance.

“Right, I get this ‘forced separation’ with the road, so you resist the urge to fall into each other’s arms,” she said one day with a roll of her eyes. “But why don’t you both meet at one end of the road and then walk down on each side at the same time. You’d get a good ten minutes with each other then. Did neither of you donuts realise that?”

In hindsight, one of them probably should have suggested it, but when they saw each other each day, it was like their brains just turned into cotton fluff. At least Callum’s did; it lost the ability to really function with any sense. That seemed to carry on for most of the day though.

They still watched a film most days. Sometimes it was just him and Ben. Often Jay joined them if it was something he was interested in. If Lexi got to choose, then it would be all five of them together. Today it was just the four of them; Lexi spending time doing an art project for school and painting on the kitchen table.

“This is bloody ridiculous, you know that?” Jay had commented for the fifth time in the past half an hour. “This bird’s crazy.”

“Oh shut up would you!” Lola said, giving him a harsh nudge. “It’s romantic! Remember what that is? She don’t even know his name but she knows they’re meant to be with each other!”

“She’s on the east coast, right?” Jay continued, pointing at the tv. “And he’s in Seattle with a bad case of insomnia. How exactly are they supposed to make that work? He’s only just moved; he ain’t about to up sticks and traipse that kid across the country again for some crazy woman who’s stalking him.”

“She might go live with him,” Callum commented from the phone screen. “She’s a writer, so she can do that from anywhere can’t she?”

“Ignore him Callum,” Lola said with an exasperated sigh. “He’s only got the hump with it because he blames Tom Hanks for the Coronavirus.”

“I don’t blame him!” Jay insisted defiantly. “All I said was that no one was taking it seriously, was they? Everyone was still down the pub and laying about in the park. Then all of a sudden, Woody from Toy Story gets a bit of a cough and two hours later I can’t buy any bog roll!”

“And that’s why we haven’t been able to hear one line of this film without you bleating like a conspiracy theorist is it?” Ben remarked, throwing a biscuit at his brother.

“I just said it’s a bit absurd, ain’t it?” he replied, crunching down on the Jammy Dodger. “Who in their right mind would get the hots and feels for someone they ain’t even met properly?”

“Jay…” Lola started, clearing her throat in warning.

“You’d have to be a bit bonkers to start obsessing over a bloke you’ve never been in the same room as, like he’s your one true love. And then when she did get close, all she did was gaze weirdly across the road at him. What’s that all about?”

“Jay!” Lola said, elbowing him in the ribs before nodding her head at Callum and Ben

The realisation suddenly hit him. “Oh, I don’t mean it can’t happen,” he replied, the backtracking clear in his tone. “Obviously there are extreme circumstances where it would seem perfectly normal. Natural disasters, wars, pandemics, that sort of thing. Really normal to want to get with someone you’ve never met.”

“Yeah, really smooth that, mate!” Ben replied throwing another biscuit in his direction. “Can we go back to watching the film now you’ve tried to dissect my love life?”

“Well, it aint only that. They keep on mentioning some other poxy movie, as if I’m supposed to know what it bleeding is!” Jay complained further, a mouthful of crumbs falling onto the cushion.

“It’s ‘An Affair to Remember’,” Lola said, shaking her head and brushing bits of biscuit off her arm. “It’s a classic. Don’t be so uncultured!”

“Oh so you’ve seen it have you?” Jay asked between chews.

Lola glared at him. “Well no, but I’ll make you watch it with me if you keep harping on!” she replied. “It’s about these two who meet and fall for each other, but the circumstances aren’t right, so they agree to sort everything out and meet in six months time. One of them has an accident though and can’t bear the thought of what the other one will think of them, so they don’t turn up and push him away, making him think they don’t care, even though they’re proper in love.”

Jay gave a long sigh and sat back for a moment. “Can’t we just bloody watch Toy Story?” he asked. Callum chuckled as both Lola and Ben started to throw Digestives at him.

It seemed that a lot of his days were spent on the phone with Ben or one of his family, and he was happy that it took him out of his solitary world. It didn’t bare thinking about what kind of state he’d be in by now. He pictured beer bottles littering the flat, empty pizza boxes and Plant trying to slap him out of his stupor, his withered leaves weak due to neglect he would suffer.

That didn’t mean that he forgot about those people he loved before this madness all happened. He seemed so far away from them, but he still cared about them. He just knew they weren’t alone though, and it was a very different experience to what he was having. Mick and Linda rang regularly to update him, he still spoke to Tina when he just needed a laugh and he even had a snarling conversation with Shirley a few times. There was his brother as well, of course and those conversations were always ones where he felt that actually things could be a lot worse.

“Stuart, why you wearing a mask?” he asked, shaking his head one day at the screen when he’d answered the call.

“It’s important not to spread the contagion, bruv!” Stuart replied, widening his eyes at Callum’s comment. “You not been listening to the news? Gotta keep yourself safe.”

Callum hesitated for a moment, before opening his mouth. “But you’re inside Stu,” he reminded him. “There ain’t no one about you, apart from Rainie.”

“Yeah alright, smart alec,” his brother submitted, pulling the mask off. “Better to be safe than sorry, ain’t it? Did you get the package I sent round today?”

Nodding, Callum looked over to his kitchen counter. What he was going to do with twelve bottles of tonic water, he wasn’t quite sure. He supposed Plant could have a jazzed up drink for a few days. “Yeah, cheers, Stu,” he replied. “But I don’t really need that many mixers. Just have beer mainly.”

“Oh well, it’s good you’re staying positive despite everything,” Stuart replied. When Callum had broken up with Whitney and moved into his own flat, Stuart had treated him like he was in a state of mourning. Callum had come out and he had explained why it wasn’t going to work, but his brother still acted like it was something forced upon him rather than just letting himself be who he truly was. “You still doing your jogging?”

“Yeah. Yeah, course,” Callum replied, as he got up the courage to tell his brother his news. “I’ve met someone.”

Stuart looked at him suspiciously, as he gripped forcefully back on to his mask. “What do you mean you’ve met someone?” he asked, bringing the mask to his face as though any germs that Callum may have would dive through the screen. “You mean you’ve said hello to someone when you passed them running?”

Callum shook his head. His brother had accepted him when he came out. In his own way. He still looked at Callum like he’d been switched with a pod person sometimes and his perception of being gay seemed to be taken from late seventies’ sitcoms. But he supported him, and that was the main thing. “I met a bloke, Stu,” he said, so there was no ambiguity there. “I really like him.”

“How can you meet someone in lockdown, Callum?” he asked, confusion wafting over his face. “It’s not the fella that delivered the tonic is it? Cause I’ve got it on good authority that he’s got two wives and four kids. He’s got enough problems without becoming…well you know. “

“No, I saw someone out jogging, and we just got chatting,” Callum replied. “Over the phone and that. It’s been for quite a few weeks now.”

“Oh, well that seems ok,” Stuart conceded, his eyes squinting in thought. “A nice safe distance without any touching. Just someone to have a good chat with. Yeah, that sounds alright.”

“Have you seen his todger yet?” a voice shouted out in the background, before a face appeared on screen. “Is it half decent? Don’t be fooled by him zooming in on his phone, make sure you get the full banana in scale! You don’t want to meet up with him and then find out it’s the size of an acorn when he’s trying to get his squirrel paws on your nuts.”

“Rainie!” both Stuart and Callum exclaimed simultaneously, before his brother put his head in his hand, recoiling back when he seemed to remember his own mantra of not touching his face when on a phone call.

“It ain’t like that, Rain,” Callum explained, though he wasn’t sure who needed the most reassurance. Stuart, whose face had gone ghostly white at the image, Rainie who was now zooming in and out of the bananas in the fruit bowl to give Callum a demonstration of her comment, or whether he was trying to talk himself round to the idea. “We talk and that.”

“Oh, come off it, Callum!” she said, screwing up her face in suspicion. “Are you telling me you both ain’t had an old tug of the purple parsnip during one of your chats? You both must have squeezed the Frube tubes together by now?”

“No! It’s just talking!” Callum insisted, as he saw Stuart go and get a bottle of tonic out of the fridge and down most of it. “We’re just getting to know each other.”

Rainie’s face fell a bit then as she nodded knowingly. “Bit of an old minger is he?” she asked. “Got a face like a fist in a hornet’s nest, has he? I mean, he still might be a bit alright downstairs, sweetheart. It’s worth having a peak.”

“No!” Callum insisted again, not feeling she was quite hearing him. “He’s beautiful.”

Both Rainie and Stuart screwed their noses up at his phrasing, and he knew if Ben could hear him then he’d be giving a roll of his eyes too. It was the truth though. He was. At least to Callum anyway.

“Callum,” she said softly. “You do know that life ain’t like a Disney or superhero film or some romcom, don’t you?” she said, trying to be sensitive. “I know you want Prince Charming to appear from thin air, shove a glass slipper on your trotter and drag you off to his castle, but life ain’t like that, sweetheart. It all turns back into pumpkins at midnight, remember that.”

“I ain’t some naïve teenager, Rainie. I do know I’m not living in a movie,” Callum insisted, though if he and Plant did run the lines to E.T yesterday, it was purely as a spontaneous activity. They both knew it wasn’t really life. They weren’t delusional. “I’m just saying, it’s not like that with Ben. It’s special.”

“Alright, alright” she responded, holding her hands up in defeat. “I get why you’ve got bluebirds dancing round your head, and you know I get why someone would fall for you, Callum. But my only question is, why don’t he want a bite?”

Callum furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, unless this bloke is as full on a knight-in-shining-armour as you, why hasn’t he asked to take a gander at the goose?” she enquired. “D’ya know what I mean, love? You’re a good lookin’ fella. Either he’s flatter than a ken doll, or he’s getting a suckle elsewhere.”

“No,” Callum responded firmly, shaking his head. “He wouldn’t do that. Besides, he only lives with his family. I’d know if anyone else was there.”

“Sweetheart, just because you follow all the rules and regulations with military precision, it don’t mean everyone else is!” she explained slowly. “He could be whispering sweet nothings through the phone to you at ten, and be over the road didling some little handsy twink by eleven when you’re sipping your cocoa watching a repeat of Friends.”

Callum still shook his head. He knew Ben. He knew him. He wouldn’t do something like that to him. The seed of doubt was planted though. Perhaps they didn’t know each other as well as they thought. After all, Callum still hadn’t told him he was joining the police. He was still afraid that Ben would think it was a stupid dream. If Ben didn’t know things about him, then what didn’t he know about Ben?

Callum tried to put it all to the back of his mind, just enjoying the times he was spending with Ben, Lola, Lexi and Jay and ignoring the fact the lockdown was carrying on for yet another week. He enjoyed his days; he had things to look forward to and he felt closer to them all with each passing day.

One morning, Callum was just cleaning out the oven, while Plant was singing along with the radio. It was Radio Two, which wasn’t his favourite choice, but he knew it was a battle that wasn’t worth fighting.

As he finished scrubbing the final shelf, he gave everything a wipe down and started to wash his hands, the beaming sun filtering through his window for yet another day. Callum always got all his cleaning done in the morning now. He wouldn’t let himself do any for the rest of the day, and having Ben and his family to distract him meant he wouldn’t.

Hearing a familiar ringing from his phone, he smiled and went to answer it, pleased when he discovered it was Ben calling. It wasn’t as if he was disappointed when it was someone else. It was always good to speak to anyone at the moment, but he just got that extra thrill in his body when Ben’s name appeared on the screen.

When he answered the call, his smile fell a little when Ben wasn’t there grinning, Instead, he wasn’t even quite looking at the screen, and only gave a perfunctory nod when Callum greeted him.

“You alright?” Callum asked, trying to keep the tone light. “Been up to much today?”

Ben chewed his lip a little. “Not much. Played a bit of Fifa with Jay, did a bit of Maths with Lex where she told me you’re joining the police, had a shower and then Lola and me had a game of cards. What’s your day been like? Busy patrolling the streets?” he remarked accusingly.

Callum gave a sigh. He knew this was going to come out eventually, and at this moment he really regretted not telling him sooner. It was his own stupid insecurity that did it.

“I was going to tell you, but it never came up,” he explained desperately, knowing it was a poor excuse as soon as it left his lips.

“Callum, you’ve told me details from what you had in your lunchbox when you was at school to the laundry detergent you use to wash your pants,” Ben remarked sceptically. “Are you really telling me a major life decision such as a change of career just slipped your mind?”

“It weren’t that. I just don’t know if I’m gonna be successful or not,” he replied back. “I don’t wanna go around telling just anyone and then I fail the assessment.”

“You told Jay and Lola,” Ben said, his mouth fixed and eyes piercing. “And even my daughter knew, so clearly you were telling some people. I guess that makes me ‘just anyone’ does it, as I weren’t included in the conversation.”

“No, Ben. You’ve got it all wrong,” he tried to explain, knowing his words weren’t coming out how they were in his head. “I was embarrassed. I thought you might laugh at the idea of me being a copper. I might be terrible at it.”

“You think I’d laugh at you?” he said, and a little softness appeared back in his face. “I think you’d be amazing, Callum. You would be brilliant at whatever you wanted to do.”

“Really?” Callum asked sceptically. “You think it’s a good idea?”

“I think they’d be lucky to have you,” Ben replied, though his eyes still felt distant.

“Right, well you don’t exactly sound enthusiastic about it,” Callum said, feeling a little annoyed himself now, as the thought struck him that maybe Ben did think he wasn’t good enough and was just hiding it to be polite.

“Well, I probably would have if you told me about it, rather than me finding out elsewhere,” he replied, before sighing heavily. “I’m sorry, yeah? I didn’t mean to sound unsupportive.”

Callum felt a little of the tension slide out of his body at the apology. “I’m sorry too,” he confessed. “I should have told you myself. I do want to talk about it.”

“Ok, well tell me about it now,” he said, with a small smile that still didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You done all the forms and that?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Callum replied, and now felt more eager at telling Ben all about it. It was stupid really to hide it from him. “I’ve had the first assessment day and all, but then this pandemic’s hit and it’s obviously been delayed a bit.”

“Well that’s good, aint it?” he replied, nodding to support Callum’s confidence. “What else you got to do now?”

“Not much really,” Callum confirmed. “Just the fitness and medical tests, which is why I’m running so much.”

“So I’ve got the police to thank for us meeting have I?” Ben replied with a smirk. “Remind me to send round a Madeira cake to the next Walford Constabulary shindig.”

Callum rolled his eyes at him. “I’ve got all the vetting and checks and that to go through as well,” he said. “But that’s the final step really.”

“Don’t they do that at the start?” Ben asked curiously. “All the background checks? Seems a waste of everyone’s time if they don’t do it until the end.”

“Oh yeah, they do,” Callum replied, happy that Ben was taking an interest. “But it’s just all a lot more in depth this time. Finances and associations, and all that. The main one they do at the start. Just to make sure I’m not some creepy psychopath who’s been to prison for killing someone, or anything!”

Ben was silent then and his face dropped. Callum mentally kicked himself. Telling someone you weren’t a creepy psycho was something a creepy psycho would do.

“Listen Callum, I’ve got to go now,” Ben replied, steely voiced as he moved to shut the call down.

“Wait Ben, what about the-“ he started as the call was ended. “…film this afternoon.” It was no use though, he’s already gone without a proper goodbye. “What did I do?”

Plant, for once, didn’t have an answer.

That afternoon, Callum expected a call to watch a movie like they had arranged. It was getting well into the evening and still there was no call. He tried phoning Ben instead, but there was still no response. Leaving it another thirty minutes, he tried again, and once again five minutes later, but still he didn’t pick up. Callum sent text after text, and he could see they had been received, but they all just lay there, not being responded to or acknowledged.

That just confirmed it for him. He’d done something wrong and now Ben didn’t want anything to do with him. Perhaps he’d been thinking that for a while and just needed an excuse to chuck him. He’d probably been feeling bored for ages. Callum thought about calling Jay or Lola, but he just felt embarrassed and like he was some persistent blind date who wouldn’t take no for an answer, even bothering the bloke’s family.

It broke his heart a little though. The fact that he wouldn’t be able to talk about films for hours with Jay, or see Lola’s smile or hear one of Lexi’s songs. But not seeing Ben, not hearing his voice or seeing the way his eyes brightened, or the sound of his laugh and the way he crinkled up his nose when Callum made a bad joke. That broke his heart a lot.

That evening he put on some rubbish action film on the tv, one that he didn’t have to pay any attention to, and could still follow the plot and wallow with three beers and a tub of Phish food. He glared at the finish when the hero saved the city, defeated the enemy and still got the girl at the end. Bastard.

When the phone rang just before midnight, he almost knocked over his fourth beer of the evening at the shrill sound. Glancing at the screen, he expected it to be Stuart after he’d received a text about a crate load of penne that had come into his brother's possession. Callum sat up with a start when Ben’s name appeared instead.

Answering the call, he saw that Ben was at his laptop, and his eyes weren’t meeting the camera yet again. He knew as soon as Callum had answered though. “You called?” his said simply, as if it was something that hadn’t happened at least three times a day for the past few weeks. In just those few words, Callum could tell the difference in his tone. It wasn’t one he’d heard before and it was almost like he had built a large wall up around him.

“You…we said we was gonna watch the movie this afternoon,” he started, feeling like a pathetic loser for complaining. “No film today?”

“Oh, we just watched it together,” Ben said and though he was on camera, he still didn’t look at it. His eyes just kept on darting to the side as if expecting something. “Made it a family thing.”

“Okay,” Callum responded simply, though he just felt crushed. The alcohol coursing through his body just seemed to heighten the fall. There wasn’t much else he could say, and he could feel the heartbreak build in his throat. When there was a beeping from the other side of the screen, Ben picked up the phone turning all his attention to the device. “That your mum?”

Ben seemed to pause for a second before turning his attention back to the screen. “Nah, it’s just some bloke I hooked up with before this whole thing,” he replied simply, his voice devoid of any emotion which Callum’s own feelings crumbled. “He’s not the brightest; he can’t quite grasp the fact we can’t meet up right now, but that’s not stopping him advertising the goods in few different pictures.”

It was like everything everyone had warned him about was coming true and he felt like such an idiot for not believing them. That was what he had suspected himself anyway wasn’t it? That’s why he didn’t tell Ben about the police, because he was worried that he’d think that Callum wasn’t good enough. It turns out he isn’t good enough. Not for any of it. This was worse than his last date. He hadn’t just thrown his guts up now; it felt like someone had stabbed him with a knife and he was watching his guts spilling out all over the floor before ripping his own heart out at throwing it on top.

“Right, so you’re texting other guys?” Callum replied. He was allowed to be a little annoyed. Maybe they hadn’t really had a proper conversation about it, and perhaps they should have, but the way Ben had just said it, so matter of fact, made him feel insignificant. Rainie was right all along.

“Look, Callum,” Ben started, as he put his phone down. He still wasn’t looking at the screen though, instead rubbing at his eye with his hand. Callum wanted to scream at him to just look him in the eye to talk, just to pay attention to him, as he felt his breath quicken and his limbs begin to tense. “This has been great; it’s been a really nice distraction from the world falling apart, but let’s be honest, we don’t really know each other. The closest we’ve got is being across a road; I’ve had closer contact with the old bird on that street watering the window boxes. It’s just run its course, yeah?”

Callum began shaking his head. It felt like some kind of nightmare after he only just stopped feeling like he was in a dream. This was not over. He didn’t want to go back to just sitting in his small flat, running over and over in his head all the reasons why he was alone. He couldn’t do it. And most importantly he didn’t want Ben out of his life. He may have only just come into it, but it was like he had only ever felt awake since that moment they met. “No, you don’t mean that,” he said firmly, wondering if the words were slurring as much as they were in his head. “We were meant to meet. I know we were.”

“It’s not real, Callum!” Ben shouted out suddenly, before taking a quick breath, as if steadying himself. “You’ve been watching too much Disney, yeah? I’m not some Prince Charming that has come to sweep you off your feet. That ain’t me, and I’m sorry if you thought I was something more. If we run into each other when this is all over, and we’ve both got time, then maybe we’ll get a drink at some point. I need to focus on what’s important to me now. I need to focus on my family.”

“And messaging some random blokes,” Callum replied, as his felt his eyes sting and the screen lose a little of its focus. The thought of the kind of messages that Ben would be exchanging with these men made him sick. It made him feel betrayed and want to shout and beg and ask why he didn’t want to do that with him. “You gonna be concentrating on that and all?”

“Yeah, maybe. Probably,” Ben replied with a distant shrug. “It ain’t gonna hurt, is it? I ain’t some holier than though nun, Callum. Anyway, see ya around.”

Just like that, the screen went blank. That tension and annoyance that Callum had felt during the call, now seemed to be multiplying, firing fury through his whole body. He felt so stupid, convincing himself that it had been this special connection, when really all he turned out to be was a distraction to pass the boredom of the days, and Ben had a whole string of guys on the go at the same time. Throwing his phone onto the sofa, it didn’t fulfil expelling any of his temper and he stomped into the kitchen area, putting his head in his hands and pacing furiously, feeling like screaming.

There was a boiling, bubbling pulse through his veins and the tears dropped from his eyes like lemmings from a cliff, trying to escape the implosion that was coming before it was too late. All he wanted to do was slam open the door and just run, and keep on running until every inch of feeling and emotion has dissipated and dissolved from his body and he could just collapse in a heap on the ground. There was nowhere he could go though. He was trapped in here. Trapped again, like he always ended up being. There was no way out.

In his temper, and with the vicious adrenaline still pounding through every limb, nerve and muscle, he just needed to take his rage out. He needed to force it out. Picking up the nearest item to him, he hurled it with as much force as he could against the wall.

As the cracking sound of the plant pot hitting the wall echoed through the room, and the soil bled to the ground, Callum collapsed against the floor silently, as his heart cried and his soul screamed.


	6. All Shook Up

“I’ve said I’m sorry, okay. I swear it won’t happen again.”

Callum looked towards Plant who was still giving him the cold shoulder. He couldn’t blame him really. Callum knew that he just lost it last night. It was bound to happen at some point; this wasn’t the first time in his life everything had felt like it was spinning out of control and he just exploded.

After he collapsed on the floor last night, he just sat there sobbing. He didn’t know how long for, but when his eyes finally started to dry and his body began to sink down back to earth there was a peach glow beginning to encase the room.

Taking deep breaths, he pulled himself up, his legs feeling shaky, as if he’d just run ten miles without stopping. Looking around him, Callum just put his hands to his head, ashamed of his actions and disappointed in himself. He wished he could just be like everyone else.

Carefully he checked on Plant. It didn’t look good. His roots were completely out of the pot and he’d lost quite a few leaves. There was little movement and most of his soil was spread on the floor. Callum carefully started to scoop it up, brushing it back into the pot. Cursing, he realised the container had a massive split in it.

Searching everywhere, he realised he didn’t have any sellotape or masking tape he could patch it up with. Why was it that at any other time, he wouldn’t be able to move for odds and ends bursting out of drawers and cupboards? Nowadays, he’d look for the simplest thing and realise that he didn’t have it. It wasn’t as though he could pop down the shops first thing and grab some. They had an hour for NHS workers, then and hour for the elderly, then another wait outside as they let people in gradually. And he wasn’t even sure if they stocked any tape in a store that mainly sold food.

There was always Stuart that he could ring, and he could guarantee he’d have enough sellotape to stock Santa’s workshop here in around two hours. He couldn’t bear to call him now though and have to explain what had happened and how everyone was right all along

Finally, he settled on a plaster that he had lingering about in his medicine cupboard. When he’d been out walking with Ollie once, the little boy had fallen and grazed his knee. It hadn’t been bleeding much, but to help stop the tears, Callum had nipped into Boots and grabbed a packet of patterned plasters.

Showing Plant the options so he could decide which he wanted, Callum put all the other plasters back in the packet. Tearing off the backing strip, he carefully placed it over the break, rubbing it firmly down to make sure it stuck. “There, see?” he told Plant, as he helped him to his roots and placed him firmly back in the pot, pressing down the soil. “If anything, it’s an improvement really!”

Plant glanced sceptically at the teddy bear plaster, his stems slightly bent and his leaves on his right side squished. This would clearly take some time and plenty of rest to recover. Callum set about tidying the rest of the flat, feeling a little better once everything was in its own place and he’d got rid of the empty bottles in the recycling.

To try and cheer Plant up as he was recovering, Callum moved him to the coffee table. “I’ll tell you what?” he said. “When all the shops are open again, I’ll get you a new pot. One of those ceramic fancy ones, yeah? I’ll let you choose the colour and everything.”

There was still no response, and Callum thought he was looking a little chilly being nearer the open window, so he went and grabbed a scarf, wrapping it neatly around the bottom of the pot. They both sat there, broken and bored. Callum couldn’t believe how much he’d got himself involved with Ben. He’d chucked himself willingly down the rabbit hole and was now drowning in his own tears.

As he was scrolling through Netflix, unable to settle on anything he wanted to watch, his phone started to ring. Glancing at the clock, he thought it might be Mick. He said he’d call around this time. When he looked at the name that came up, he sighed. Normally, he’d always take Lola’s call, but he didn’t really feel like an autopsy on his relationship with Ben right now. If you could even call it a relationship. More like Callum just making a disaster and an embarrassment out of himself and ending up alone as usual.

More than likely she wanted to call and ask him to delete the Disney Plus account, let him know she was changing the password now he wasn’t…well whatever he had been to them. It wasn’t fair to take his mood out on Lola, so he picked up his phone and answered the call.

“Hey, hon. You okay?” she asked, her face sympathetic. It must have been clear he wasn’t. Whenever he cried, his eyes and nose stayed red for ages afterwards. He found it hard to hide his feelings in so many ways.

“You alright, Lo?” he replied simply, knowing that the issue of Ben was one that couldn’t be ignored forever. He was right, when Lola seemed not to be able to hold her tongue for very long at all.

“Callum, he’s being an absolute dick, alright?” she said, looking at him like he was a turkey in December. She couldn’t think he was more pathetic than he felt though. “I love the bones of him, but he is being an absolute flaming cock right now, okay?”

“It’s fine, Lo,” he conceded, knowing she was just trying to make him feel better. “We just come at this from different places; that’s all. He’s got all this experience, and I’m only just out. He’s got bored. It was bound to happen.”

“Oh, darlin, that ain’t it at all,” she replied, and he wished he could believe her. She was just trying to placate him and let him down gently. There was no point though. There wasn’t a teddy bear plaster that could fix a heart when it had been snapped in two. “He hasn’t been this happy in so long. The rest of us are going around trying to struggle through most days, and he’s had a face on him like he’s living in rainbow land and been practically skipping around the house. That’s because of you.”

Callum shook his head. Ben might have been acting differently, but it wouldn’t have been from anything he had done. “Nah, he just weren’t that into me, Lo. He said it was just a bit of fun.”

“Yeah, like I said, an absolute cock!” she repeated. “He just gets like this when he opens his heart up a little. He gets scared and he’ll close it down quickly cause he’s afraid of getting hurt. He’s frightened you’ll wake up one day and wonder why someone like you is with someone like him.”

“I thought he really liked me, Lo,” he confessed, and it felt a little pressure escape to finally say it out loud. It took a lot for him to admit that. In a way, Ben was perhaps the first person he’d truly been himself with, not worried about constantly hiding something in his life. The fact he’d begun to think that Ben had seen all of him and still liked him, meant everything.

“He’s mad about you, Callum!” she replied, and she looked so genuine that he almost believed her. “You are basically a celebrity in our house. We all go crazy when we know we’re going to see and hear from you. You’ve just said something that brought the shutters down a bit. Do you know what it was?”

“No, I don’t know,” he admitted. That would be typical of him to ruin it though. It may not be quite as extreme as vomiting on his shoes, but he was certainly capable of saying something that would put Ben off.

“Well whatever it was, it pressed his self destruct button. Stomping around like a teenager, even going to his room and slamming the door when I called him a moody little care bear. I’ll have a word with him, see if I can figure it out,” Lola replied reassuringly. “Don’t give up, Callum. Keep calling him. He won’t be able to resist you for long.”

“Well I’m not sure I’d even be able to get through with all the other fellas he’ll be talking to,” he muttered, remembering the conversation from last night. “I’m sure they’ll be someone catching his eye.”

“Oh please, as if he’d have eyes for anyone else when you’re on the screen,” she insisted. “He ain’t messaging with anyone else. He ain’t interested. He likes you! Do you think he’d introduce just anyone to our daughter? Just promise me you’ll call him, yeah?”

Callum nodded as Lola smiled warmly the before turning off the call. Holding the phone in his hand, he scrolled through to Ben’s number. “What do you think?” he asked Plant, needing a second opinion. “Shall I risk it?”

In the end they both decided to leave it for a while. Callum didn’t want to call Ben when his eyes still looked like he had rubbed cat fur on them, and to be honest he didn’t think he could face another rejection just yet.

“Shall we have something to eat instead? I‘m thinking chips. D’ya fancy them?” he asked, the procrastination monster perching on his shoulder glaring as he knew he was just putting off the inevitable. “Can’t get down the chippy, obviously, so it’ll just be frozen crinkle cut. I’ve got salt and vinegar though.”

As he was googling the effect of salt on plants, he knew he could only stop himself from calling for so long.

Callum had finished his chips, doused them in as much salt and vinegar as he could take, and washed up. Looking around the flat, he was seeing if there were any other jobs he could do. The phone was sitting on the coffee table next to Plant, and he took the hint. He couldn’t put it off any longer.

Sitting there for five minutes, he took a couple of deep breaths, pressing the call button. He didn’t have to wait long, Ben appeared on the screen, chewing his thumb.

“Hi,” Callum said, after a few seconds, not knowing if he was going to get hung up on. “Lola called me.”

Ben nodded, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand. “Yeah, I thought she might,” he replied, and Callum noticed his tone was softer now, almost like he was afraid to speak at a normal volume.

“Did I do something wrong?” he blurted out, not being able to resist asking any longer. It was the same question that had gone round and round his head for the past twenty four hours.

Ben’s eyes closed and he rubbed his face with his hands as he started to shake his head. “No!” he cried, he eyes covered, but Callum could hear the fraught tone. “No, you could never do anything wrong!”

Callum didn’t know how to respond, and he could see that Ben wanted to say something, so he just waited. Everything was quiet for a minute, before Ben took his hand away and looked at the camera. “I’ve been to prison, Callum.”

“What?” he replied at the sudden confession. He wasn’t quite sure what he was expecting, but it wasn’t that. It took his brain a few moments to catch up. “When? For what?”

“When I was a kid,” Ben replied, taking a deep breath. “I killed my friend. It weren’t on purpose. I lost my temper and she got caught in the middle.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Callum whispered, afraid to speak any louder in case it spooked Ben and he ended the call. “You could have told me.”

“You didn’t tell me about the police!” he returned back quickly with gritted teeth, before almost immediately holding his hands up and softening his face. “Sorry. It’s not the same thing. It’s just when you said about joining the force and then started talking about people in prison being crazy psychopaths, it just shook me a bit is all.”

Callum tutted. “I ain’t gonna judge you just because you been inside and I’m trying to be a copper. Most my family and friends have been in nick at one point or the other!” he replied, trying to reassure Ben. “Anyway, I weren’t talking about you was I? More like the psychos who hunt down college students and then eat their gallbladders! Do you regret it?”

Ben nodded his head. And that was enough.

“Okay then,” Callum responded, giving a reinforcing smile.

Looking at him quizzically, Ben leaned forward, squinting at Callum as though he had misheard. “Okay?” he repeated, as if the word was ambiguous. “You’ve just found out that I’ve been to prison for manslaughter and that don’t concern you?”

“No, not really,” he said with a shrug, before grinning. “But then I said the same thing to the cute cannibal I met on my second run today, when he was eyeing up my kidneys.”

“Oh shut up!” Ben returned, but the twinkle in his eyes showed that he there was no harshness in it. “I know that’s a lie anyway. You’d never flaunt the rules and go for two jogs a day!”

“That’s true,” Callum replied, resting his head on his hand and feeling like the weight of the world was lifted off his shoulders. “Well, I’d only do it if moody little care bears asked me too.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “I see Lola’s been talking to you!” he said shaking his head. “She talked to me and all. Well, more shouted at me. Something about me being the biggest cock that ever did womble.”

Callum chuckled. “I can guess your response to that!”

“Yeah, it probably didn’t change her assessment of me too much,” he replied, his laugh stopping after a few seconds. “I really am sorry, Callum. I panicked a bit. I just had this gorgeous guy in front of me, who’s funny and sweet and is everything that is good in the world. And I suddenly saw myself and how truly messed up I am. Guess I don’t quite see why someone as perfect as you would want to stick around for too long with me; so I jumped before I was pushed.”

Callum wasn’t sure what to say. It was the most Ben had been open with him, and he wanted his comment to be reassuring and empathetic to his confession.

“I talk to my plant.”

That wasn’t really the tone he was aiming for, yet out the comment came.

Ben opened his mouth to talk, closing and opening it a few times more before he spoke. “Well that’s…wait, what?” he replied, questioningly.

“I talk to my plant,” he confessed, looking down a little. “I feel really alone, I have for a long time, not just since lockdown. At least now other people understand a little more. I’ve always felt it. Lonely, and messed up and like everything I did went wrong. The only time I haven’t felt alone in my whole life is when I’m talking to you.”

“Does it talk back?” Ben asked, squinting his eyes curiously.

“No!” Callum replied loudly. “I’m not crazy. I know it’s a plant!”

Ben held his hands up. “I’m just checking! There might be carbon dioxide fumes or something in your flat that’s causing hallucinations!” he replied smiling. “I get it. You vent your feelings to an inanimate object; it’s cathartic. I do the same with Jay!”

“Alright, I thought you might be checking if I was a weirdo,” Callum replied, picking at the nail on his thumb.

“Oh babe, I knew that when you ran into a lamppost after struggling to give me your name,” Ben replied, his eyes affectionate. “It made me get up before the birds the next morning so I could leave you my number, so it probably says more about me than it does about you to be honest, but I get that. I have my weird moments too.”

“You do watch Hannah Montana at least once a week!” he said as Ben opened his mouth to protest. “You’re a grown adult.”

“It’s classic pop culture!” he replied defensively. “You and Jay sit there watching your men frolicking around in tights hours on end, and I’m the one in strange taste in films?”

They both started laughing, and Callum was so happy to have this back. He had only lost it for a day, but it felt like a lifetime and he wasn’t sure if he could get through it again. Nevertheless, there was still something else from yesterday that was playing on his mind, and he had to get it out in the open. “You still talking to those other boys?” he asked quietly.

Ben shook his head. “I haven’t for weeks,” he confessed. “Before I called you yesterday, I text my mum. She usually messages back quite quickly, so I knew you’d hear it.”

Callum smiled. “I knew it was your mum!” he added, pointing his finger at Ben accusingly, before needing to check something that had been bothering him. “We never discussed it though, so I can’t be that mad if you was still talking to other guys.”

“I weren’t. I wouldn’t,” Ben replied with conviction. “I don’t want to talk to anyone but you.”

This is what he missed, the feeling that washed over him with just a few words from Ben. He was still a little insecure about everything, but his feelings were overpowering.

“I wannna kiss you,” Callum let slip from his lips, looking at the sincerity on Ben’s face and not being able to hide anything.

Ben’s lips softly quirked up. “Are you talking to me or your plant?”

“I’m trying to be serious!” Callum replied, but he couldn’t help but laugh.

“You don’t want us to both snog the camera at the same time, do you?” he said with a smirk. “Because that is weird even for us, and probably flaunting a few hygiene regulations.”

“Ben!” Callum warned, though he knew it was just how the other man reacted when feelings got involved. They both had their defences. “I just really wish I was there with you.”

Ben’s eyes softened. “I really want to kiss you too,” he admitted quietly. “I have done since you walloped your head into that lamp post. I probably would have crossed the road and done it if you hadn’t scarpered up the street like Usain Bolt straight after it happened.”

“Are we back to normal then?” Callum asked.

“I’m not sure we are or will ever be normal,” he replied, though he seemed content with it. “I’ve got to go now. Prominsed to do some colouring with Lexi; gotta get your picture ready for tomorrow, but I’ll see you later.”

Callum couldn’t help but chuckle as Ben mockingly and loudly kissed the camera, and for the first time that day he breathed.

“Are you just going to sit there for the entire time, Ben, cause there really ain’t much need for you to be here if you ain’t getting up!”

Leaning a little closer to the screen, Ben gave Callum a wide eyed look. “I’m getting up in my own way, babe, trust me,” he said swallowing slightly and sitting back. “You just keep going.”

Callum gave a sigh, and continued running on the spot, trying to pound his legs as hard as he could until he heard the timer for the tv screen bleep. He took some deep breaths, before taking a sip of water from his bottle, giving a thumbs up to Lexi on his laptop screen.

Last week, Lexi had asked if he’d take part with ‘P.E with Joe’ with her, as no one else in the house enjoyed doing it. Knowing the extra work out wouldn’t hurt he automatically agreed and was pleased at how happy the little girl was that they could do this together.

They’d started two days ago, with both Callum and Lexi giving it their all and enthusiastically doing the rounds of exercises. Despite both their encouragement and pleading, Ben simply sat with his feet up on the sofa behind Lexi, ensuring he had a prime view of Callum on the screen. Lola had joined in during the first day, but had collapsed in a heap after the first five exercises, dragging herself off to the kitchen, huffing and puffing like a steam train.

Now it seemed like it was going to be a daily event, and Callum was pleased he could do something helpful. Everything had seemed to get back to normal after he and Ben had their chat the other day, or ‘their normal weird’ as Ben put it.

“It can’t be that interesting for you to keep watching me do the same exercises again, and again,” Callum replied, as he started the lunges. “Lex, make sure you put that leg straight!”

“I don’t think I can stress this enough, but this is the highlight of my day,” Ben replied, waving him on, as he threw some crisps into his mouth. “Go on. Don’t stop. Those muscles won’t stretch themselves.”

For the last few exercises Callum really pushed himself, going to the harder level and doing as many as he could in the time limit. He would probably feel it in his muscles tomorrow, but he really wanted to keep up with his training in preparation for the rest of his assessment.

As he finished the final rep, he collapsed in a heap on the ground, sweat trickling down his face. His chest was forcibly moving with every audible gasping breath as he let out some sighing moans, leaning his head back and squeezing his eyes closed. “Lex, go get a drink in the kitchen,” he heard Ben order, his voice throaty.

“But I’ve got to do the warm down stretches!” she protested loudly. “Joe says we have to do them!”

“Go and do them in the kitchen with your mum, then,” he heard Ben insist. “Now, Lex!”

Callum continued to lie back and gasp for air, thinking about he should probably do his stretches as well, so he would at least be able to move his muscles a little in the morning. He could already feel a slight twinge in his groin, moving his hand down to rub at the muscle there and then using the other to lift the hem of his shirt up wipe the sweat that was still dripping down his face.

“Are you doing this on purpose?” he heard Ben say, his voice coming through low from the laptop. “Are you actually trying to kill me?”

Callum turned his head slightly, lifting up one eyelid to look at the screen. Ben was kneeling close to the camera, his eyes wide and his mouth open slightly as he breathed low and deep. “What?” Callum asked, groaning as he lifted himself up to lean on his elbows. “I’ve got to do my stretches now, then I’m gonna go shower. Shall I call you after?”

Ben nodded quickly. “Yeah, good idea. I might be out the shower by then too,” he replied, as Callum began taking his top off before he turned the computer off. “Then again, maybe not.”

Callum finished rubbing his hair dry and quickly pulled on his t-shirt as he could hear the phone ringing from the lounge, padding in bare feet quickly to answer it. “Sorry! Sorry!” he said as he answered. “I was just finishing getting dressed.”

“You can answer the phone with your shirt off once in a while you know,” Ben smirked, his hair damp and slightly falling across his forehead. “I ain't gonna start blushing like a milkmaid.”

Playing with the towel in his hands, Callum began to pull a little at the thread a little. He hadn’t been blind to the way Ben was looking at him earlier. It wasn’t as though he was immune to it either. His nightly fantasies of Mystery Man were becoming more detailed and more tortuous as the days went on.

“Is that something you’d want to do?” he asked nervously, the thread now scattering a little around him. “I know you said you weren’t texting any other blokes, but you were talking about the things that they could be messaging you, and I was just wondering if that’s something that you’d like to do? Not with them obviously. Something that I would do. With you! Not those random guys. You and me together doing ‘stuff’ like that. Together.”

Ben chewed at his lip slightly when Callum was rambling on, and looked at him curiously. “Was that your roundabout way of asking if we want to wank each other off over the phone?”

Callum threw the towel to the side. He was trying to say it delicately and keep a shred of his dignity intact and not end up blushing like a beetroot like he now suspected he was doing. As much as everyone teased him about being some innocent, he still had thoughts and wants. Perhaps he was able to control them a little as most of his sex life had been an unmitigated disaster, during those short periods of times he could actually claim to have any kind of sex life.

On the other hand, now for the first time in his life he had someone in front of him that he actually wanted, and they seemed to want him in return but they were a million pixels away from each other. With the lockdown not having a clear ending in sight, the frustration was starting to get to him. “Yeah,” he said, trying to sound confident, like it was an offer he made every day. “Is that something you want too?”

“No,” Ben replied.

Well that was simple. Quick and painful. Like pulling off a plaster. Well, more like pulling off a plaster from the large butcher knife stab wound through your heart. If his muscles hadn’t been so sore, then Callum would have kicked himself. He’d done it again. Just because he’d imagined ripping off Mystery Man’s bright red and fitted superhero costume and pushing him up against every surface imaginable, it doesn’t mean that Ben viewed him in the same way.

Perhaps Ben just didn’t see him like that; there had been many girls in his life who had called him ‘sweet’ and praised how sensitive he was, not like all the other guys that were just after one thing. Of course, that’s because he’d much rather spend three hours hearing about the various outfits they dressed their dog in, than being pushed on to a bed by these girls as they hoiked themselves on top of him. “Oh,” he replied simply, trying to keep his voice cool and breezy. “That’s alright. I understand.”

“It’s not like that,” Ben answered, his voice getting that firmness that happened when he thought Callum wasn’t really listening or disagreeing with what he said.

“Okay,” he replied. He didn’t want Ben to feel bad about it. In all honesty, all he wanted right now was for the floor to open and swallow him up. Actually, if that happened, he’d fall through to Mrs Schump’s flat, and he’d probably be mauled to death by her vicious cats before his arse hit the floor. That still felt like it was a better option than the rejection he was facing now though.

“It’s not, Callum,” Ben said, the firmness even clearer in his voice now. “Trust me, if you were in this room right now, I’d be on you quicker than Superman in a crisis. See? Even did a stupid comic reference for you!”

“Why not then?” Callum asked, wincing when he realised it came out with a slightly whiny tone. He just couldn’t get the image of all the guys that had messaged Ben with pictures, out of his head.

“Because you don’t want to, Callum!” Ben insisted.

“Don’t tell me what I don’t want!” he replied harshly. All his life he’d had to listen to people tell him what he did or didn’t want. All his life he had nodded along with them, though his heart and his mind told him different. “I want you! Just cause I ain’t texting pictures of me in my Spiderman pants trying to look sexy, it don’t mean I don’t want you. I want you in every way imaginable.”

Ben shook his head and rolled his eyes. “I’m not saying you don’t want to get your end away. Christ, I’m thinking of taking out personal injury insurance cause you’re gonna come at me like a bullet out a gun once we get in the same room. I’m frankly not expecting to be able to move for a few days after,” he said with a wink. “But it’s your first time, Callum. Well, it’ll be the first one that’s really gonna matter anyway. I don’t want that experience and memory to overwhelmingly be frustration when your WiFi cuts out, or the camera slips over and you have to spend most the time looking at my socks.”

Callum felt a little settled with the comment, but he just wanted to make sure that it wasn’t all about him. “You look cute in your socks,” he muttered, shyly. “I don’t want to wait if you don’t want to.”

“Well I do want to,” Ben said with a shrug. “I’m not saying I want to do it on a bag full or rose petals and have scented candles wafting all around us, but I at least want to be in the same room as you. In the meantime, I shall keep spending a good six hours of the day in the bathroom like a thirteen year old boy.”

Callum gave a little laugh. “Yeah, me too,” he confessed, feeling lucky to have someone who cared what he wanted for once. No one had ever really asked before.

“You live alone!” Ben exclaimed. “I’ve got a child that storms through every closed door with the delicacy of a wrecking ball and I’ve got Jay who seems to have some kind of radar to zoom into earshot every time I undo the buckle on my jeans. Thankfully, Lola seems to know when to keep clear now, but that was only after I forgot to lock the bathroom door that one time. There’s not really much of a reason why you can’t knock one out in your lounge.”

“My front room window looks out unto a main road!” Callum protested. “If I don’t pull my blinds down quite right, the top deck of the number nine bus is gonna get some eyebrow raising entertainment for the journey home.”

“I just think it’s because you don’t want to shock your plant,” Ben said, sitting back and folding his arms, before starting to peel an orange he had on the side. Callum gave him a dismissive look, and then side eyed Plant. Frankly, he’d suffered enough the past few days, he didn’t need to see a side to Callum that would make his leaves droop. They were already sagging to the side as it was. “You could just use your bedroom, babe. There’s no need to barricade yourself in the bathroom.”

“It’s hard to focus sometimes in bed when I’ve got Pandora’s Sex Box directly underneath me,” he complained.

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” Ben said, dropping the orange, and sitting forward with his chin on his arms, his interest piqued.

Callum sighed, not sure whether he wanted to explain, but decided he may as well. “When I come out, my brother’s girlfriend give us this box with all kinds of stuff in,” he replied, noticing that Plant’s teddy bear plaster was peeling off slightly. It’s possible he was trying to end it all due to the embarrassment of the situation.

“What kind of stuff?” Ben asked, scratching his cheek, and clearly trying to look serious, with woeful results.

“Well, sex stuff!” Callum replied in a harsh whisper, slightly wishing he had his own teddy bear plaster he could rip off and end it all.

“Right, well I’m getting nothing out of you, so you’re going to have to show me this box,” he said, throwing a segment of fruit in his mouth.

“Ben!”

Sitting up on his elbows, he pointed to behind Callum on the screen, as if trying to direct him. “Nope, if you’re not going to tell me, you’ll have to show me. Come on!”

Callum took the phone into the bedroom, sitting it down on the bed as he bent down and reached underneath. The silver box shone mockingly in the late evening light, as he placed it on the bed and held up his mobile for Ben to see. “Why’s it look like a Christmas giftset from Boots?” he asked, “Open it up Callum. I ain’t got X-Ray vision, as much as I’m sure that would do it for you.”

With a groan, Callum pulled off the lid, holding the phone so Ben could see the contents. “Fuck me! Let’s hope the force don’t do random property checks on their applicants or they’ll think you’re turning tricks for a bit of extra cash!” Ben said chuckling, almost choking on his orange segment.

“See?” Callum replied, shaking his head. He placed the lid back on the box and took a seat on the bed. “Even you think it’s a lot! I’m just going to chuck it all out, or give it to charity or something.”

“Give it to charity?” Ben asked, wide eyed. “You’re really just going to rock up to Oxfam with a couple of old plates, a few second hand coats and two different sets of anal beads to donate?”

Callum let out a sigh, and hit his hand on the bed in frustration. “Isn’t there like a specific place I can donate this stuff?” he asked.

Ben rolled his eyes. “Yes Callum, the ‘Dildo Amnesty for Waifs and Gays’ will be having their next bring and buy jumble sale at the church hall any day now,” he responded, shaking his head in mock despair .”You’re keeping all of this. Have you really not used anything?”

Callum looked down slightly, before feeling silly that he was so embarrassed. “Well, I did take out the lube, which I use to-“

“Actually, scrap that question, my brain can’t function with the response right now. I’m going off to have a shower. Again. Just keep the box, ok?” he replied, blowing a kiss at the screen. “Talk to you later, babe.”

Callum collapsed back on the bed with a huff, taking a glance at his screen when it bleeped. It was a news update; the lockdown was confirmed for another week. With a groan, he rolled his head into the pillow. This was torture.


	7. Bye Bye Blackbird

It sounded like little bells at first, invading his mind in whatever dream he was having. By the time he was conscious, he couldn’t quite remember the places he visited in his slumber, but the sound still continued. Callum sat up, letting the sleep fall away and trying to remember those little details, like what his name was and why he wasn’t passed out on his pillow right now.

Callum recognised that sound, he knew he did. The information suddenly clicked into his brain and he scrabbled around his night stand to get his phone, pressing the button when he saw who the call was coming from.

“Hey, Lo,” his voice crackled out, as his friend appeared on the screen. “What’s the matter? You alright?”

Lola was clearly distressed, her mascara running down her cheeks, and her nose red and blotchy. The camera shook slightly as her hand wavered when holding it. “Callum,” she cried, and that was all she managed to get out before she dissolved into floods of tears.

“What’s wrong? What’s the matter?” he asked, his heart rate speeding up, as he ran a hand through his hair nervously. “Is it Lex? Is everyone okay?”

Suddenly, Lola was shoved over on the screen and Ben appeared rolling his eyes. “You’ve worried him now! I told you this was ridiculous!” he scolded, before turning towards the phone. “Don’t worry, Callum. Everyone is fine. Lola’s just been on the wine for the past three hours. It’s got her all emotional about everything.”

“It’s that bloody film,” Callum heard a voice shout off camera, that he recognised as belonging to Jay. “I told you we shouldn’t have watched it!”

“What film?” Callum asked, feeling relieved that everyone was alright. He turned to reassure Plant, but he was still fast asleep in his basket on the nightstand.

“It’s that Tom Hanks one where he’s with that blonde bird and then his airplane crashes onto a desert island and he’s all alone,” Ben explained, handing Lola a tissue.

“How can you be so emotionless about it?” Lola replied, her words slurring slightly. “He’s all by himself and she’s all he thinks about. That’s all that’s keeping him going, and his only friend is that football!”

“I think it’s a basketball,” Jay called out in the distance.

“It’s a sodding volleyball!” Ben exclaimed with a dramatic sigh. “Ain’t you two every played a sport? Even I know it’s a volleyball!”

“It don’t matter what it is, Ben! Tell him it don’t matter, Callum!” Lola ordered, but continued without giving him a chance to answer. “What matters is that it’s all he’s got! Like you and Robert!”

Once Ben had found out about him and Plant, it wasn’t something he kept to himself. It was lovely in a way; Lexi always drew beautiful, colourful pictures which Ben took a photo of and sent through to him. Callum always showed Plant, but his ego stopped him agreeing it was a good likeness. His leaves seemed to be more alert afterwards though, so clearly he was secretly flattered.

Ben had continued to tease him about it, but it was all good natured. He’d even given Plant his own nickname; Robert. (“Thought you’d like it!” he had protested when Callum scowled over the screen. “You like classic rock!”)

Callum nodded along to Lola, as she continued to tell him about the film between sniffs. “He gets saved, Tom Hanks does, but he loses the football!”

“Basketball,” Jay called.

“Volleyball!” Ben replied with a huff. “I remember you watching it on the last Olympics, Jay. Perhaps pay more attention to what they’re whacking over the net than the scantily glad women doing it.”

“So then he gets back home, and the first thing he wants to do is go find his girlfriend,” Lola continued, not paying any attention to the debate. “But he finds out that she ain’t waited for him, and she’s now shacked up with some boring dentist or something.”

“It’s Mr Big from Sex in the City,” Jay answered assuredly.

“He’s a huge fan!” Ben smirked at the comment. “Binged watched it and everything.”

“Hey, I’m a modern man!” Jay said, appearing behind them on the screen. “It weren’t the whole thing, anyway. I only saw a few episodes!”

Ben raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, well your Netflix history says different!” he bit back before Lola punched him in the arm. “What the fuck was that for?”

Pointing at the screen fiercely, Lola shoved him again. “Tell him!”

“This is ridiculous,” Ben replied, pursing his mouth and sitting back. “I ain’t saying something absurd just because you downed a bottle of prosecco, Lo!”

“Tell him, Ben!” she said, before reaching off screen and bringing back half a glass of wine. “I think it’s really important he hears it.”

“I really don’t think it’s important that we woke him up past midnight to say it,” Ben remarked, before Lola glared at him again. “Alright! Fine! Callum, the reason that Lola made us call is so I can promise you that I will wait for you until the end of lockdown and not shack up with Mr Big!”

“Oh yeah, real romantic, Ben!” she responded, downing the last of her glass. “That ain’t what you said during the film. Callum, listen. He said that he’d never stop waiting for you. Ain’t that sweet?”

Ben started to blush and look down. “You’re so drunk I could have said anything,” he muttered, his eyes slightly flickering to the screen to check Callum’s reaction.

“Am I Tom Hanks in all of this?” Callum replied, smiling warmly back, knowing how much it took for Ben to say those words.

“Babe, I’m the blonde bird, so you got off lightly!” he said, before returning his eyes fully to the screen and holding Callum’s gaze.

“We should have just watched Toy Story 2!” Jay exclaimed, putting his arm around Lola’s shoulders to comfort her, as she snuffled out more tears. “We’re going to say bye bye to Callum, now Lo, and get you off to bed and let him get back to his. Night, mate!”

Ben blew a kiss at the screen, before Lola managed to fumble a finger to end the call.

“You can’t do that! You know you can’t do that!”

Jay started to shake his head with a huff, shooting scorn from his eyes towards Ben with such intensity that even Callum could feel the annoyance through the screen. They’d propped Ben’s laptop up on a chair, and they were all sat around the coffee table playing Scrabble, drinking and bickering. Callum had his own bottle of beer open, but Ben, Lola and Jay had the spirits and shot glasses out.

“Lola just did exactly the same thing!” Ben argued, downing his shot. “She used one of Callum’s words and just added a letter and got herself a load of points.”

Jay grabbed the bottle of vodka out of Ben’s hand before he could pour another drink. “No! Callum put the word ‘toned’ down, right?” he explained, as Lola gingerly reached for the alcohol and tried to sneak it out of his hand. “Then, Lo added an ‘s’ to the front to make ‘stoned’. As in ‘I stoned him to death when he couldn’t stop cheating at board games’!”

“That’s actually not the meaning I was going for,” Lola muttered to Callum, taking a swig from the bottle.

“I did exactly the same thing!” Ben said with a shrug.

Jay widened his eyes. “No, what you did was take Lo’s word of ‘anchor’ and try to shove a ‘w’ at the front,” he said, throwing the tile back at Ben. “It ain’t even the correct spelling! You’re always lauding your GCSE English over me!”

“Don’t start again,” Ben replied, grabbing the bottle back from Lola and pouring more into his glass. “Just because the only certificate you ever got were your ten metre breast stroke. And you only went for that cause you didn’t know there was swimming involved.”

“Bit hard not to get your GSCE when you’re clinked up in the local Borstal, ain’t it?” Jay said, downing Ben’s drink and then sticking his tongue out at him. “Who was your talk partner in lessons? The Artful Dodger?”

“Do you have any GECSEs, Callum?” Lola slurred out. “I ain’t got any, but I’m gonna make sure Lexi gets hers. I can do ananagrams…anananagrams. I can do those mixed up letter problems really well though!”

“You do the one in the back of Woman’s Weekly every week, Lo,” Ben intercepted. “It’s hardly The Sunday Times crossword.”

“I got English and Maths,” Callum said, answering the question and taking a swig of his beer. “Oh and Food Tech.”

“See!” Ben said pointing to the screen and back at himself. “Proper little bright sparks we are!”

Jay rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah, right little smart arse power couple you are!” he snarked. “You haven’t even figured out how to be in the same room together! You’ve got a couple of high school exams; it’s hardly a doctorate from Oxbridge!”

“They just help with my police application, that’s all,” Callum added in.

“Aww, that’ll be nice when you get in, won’t it?” Jay commented, elbowing Ben. “You can have this one’s mug shot in a fancy photo frame on your desk.”

“Oh shut up, Jay!” Ben remarked, giving him a kick under the coffee table. He leaned closer to the laptop. “I’ve had to listen to cops and robbers jokes all week.”

“He can get your fingerprints from your file engraved onto his handcuffs!” Jay said, snorting out a laugh at his own joke. “It’ll be dead romantic! You can pack him a lunch in one of your old swag bags!”

“Can I just play my word now, please?” Ben said, trying to put his tile back down. “Rather than be heckled by the salty peanut gallery!”

“No you can’t, because it’s not a bloody word!” he replied. “Don’t go starting to throw a paddy cause you can’t think of another word.”

“Me kick off?” Ben snorted out. “You’re the one that ten minutes ago threw all his tiles in the air because you couldn’t figure out how to spell ‘quinoa’ correctly.”

“It is a tricky word,” Callum added in, downing the last of his beer. “Everyone struggles with it.”

“Yeah, but everyone knows it ain’t got a ‘g’ in it, apart from this donut!” Ben replied, before narrowing his eyes at the screen. “And don’t think I ain’t noticed you just been drinking beer. Go get your vodka out and give Robert a shot of Miracle-Gro or something.”

Callum groaned slightly before running to the cupboard to grab the bottle that Stuart gave him, and a small glass. When he returned, Jay and Ben were still embroiled in their discussion.

“You ain’t missed much, hon,” Lola remarked gesturing her head with annoyance towards the two boys. “Ben just pointed out that Jay wouldn’t know a packet of quinowa if it walked up and introduced itself. Cheers to us, eh? I’m glad you’re my friend.”

Callum quickly twisted the lid off the bottle, pouring himself a glass and raising it. To his friend. That felt good.

“Right, we’re starting again!” Jay exclaimed, collecting up everyone’s tiles and putting them in the bag, before Ben snatched it off him. “And don’t be cheating! I saw you sneak back that ‘q’ last time!”

As Ben was dishing out the tiles, Callum downed the vodka in his glass, spluttering a little as the liquid scraped through his throat and made his eyes water. He emptied the last couple of drops into Plant’s soil, giving him a clap on the back and poured himself another drink. When he looked back at the screen, he could see all the tiles were placed out and they were ready to start.

Squinting slightly, he looked at the square letters he had in his rack on the coffee table.

V. E. Y. L. I. O. U. O.

“I ain’t got the best letters!” he remarked out loud, tilting the screen so Plant could see. He wasn’t the best speller and shrugged his leaves, the alcohol already having a little effect on both of them. “Hold about, Ben. You’ve given me eight tiles, not seven.”

“Oh there we are!” Jay said, shaking his finger again as Lola poked her head around and started staring at Callum’s tiles. “You ain’t happy with cheating for yourself, you now brought your fella into it to!”

“Yeah, you’re right mate,” Ben admitted, scratching the back of his head before hurriedly reaching across to grab them back. “I’ll pick some new ones out for him.”

“Hold on a second,” Lola said knocking his hand away. Suddenly her face changed and her eyes became wide. She gripped on to Callum’s tile holder and tried to hold it up to the screen. “I told you I was good at anagrams. That is the sweetest thing, Ben!”

Before she could reach the laptop, Ben smacked the tiles out her hand, causing them to land all over the board. “Whoops,” he said, glaring at Lola, before picking up all the letters quickly.

“Ben, you’re taking the ‘p’ again,” Jay tutted, as Lola turned to the laptop and winked at Callum with a knowing grin. Unsure of what he missed, he just downed another drink.

The next morning, Callum had woken up bleary eyed and thrown the cover back over his head when his gaze caught the beam of light sneaking through the bedroom curtains.

His head swirled a little as his alarm started beeping at him. Callum wasn’t quite sure why he still kept it on. It wasn’t until later in the day that he did his run now, and it was a few hours until he was doing P.E with Lexi. He felt that perhaps if he turned it off it would be a slippery slope. Having that routine and that structure helped him get through every day.

Today though, he reached an arm out from the blanket and gave the phone a whack. He swore he heard a groan as he did so. “Shit, sorry,” he muttered, hoping he didn’t knock too many of Plant’s leaves off. He was sleeping off his own alcohol escapades from last night. The memory of holding Plant aloft in his arms, as he leaned over the balcony in the rain and sang ‘Circle of Life’ came screaming back to him.

Grumbling at the recollection, and hoping no one had a phone out recording them, he snuggled his head back into the pillow and let his eyes flutter back shut.

When the beeping started again, Callum stretched his head out from the duvet, surprised to see the room encased with light. Scrabbling for the phone, he could see it was close to midday. He must have turned off the snooze button without even knowing. Focusing on the task at hand, he answered the call.

“I’ve never drinking vodka again,” he remarked sleepily, managing only enough strength to open one eye. “I think my face is broken.”

“You only had half of what we had,” Ben said smiling warmly, and barely even looking tired. “Look at you. Dirty stop out. Well, stop in, I guess. I’ve tried calling you four times this morning. You hangin’ that bad? Poor baby.”

Callum sat up a little, running his fingers through his hair. Yeah, that was too soon. Dropping his head, he leaned back onto the pillows with a groan. “I’m not going to do anything today.”

“Well, it’s a lockdown, that true for all of us every day,” Ben remarked back. Before furrowing his brow. “You sure you’re alright? It’s just the vodka, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Callum said back, trying to smile reassuringly. With the fact he still couldn’t properly open his eyes and his hair was all over the place, he probably looked like a squirrel pulled out of early hibernation. He wasn’t sure it was just the vodka though. Lockdown had reached a point where it was feeling like hitting a brick wall. It was easier to get into a routine at first and telling yourself to just sit tight and it would be over soon enough. Soon had been and gone though, and sometimes it was like it was never going to end. The drink had maybe heightened that feeling, but it still lived there all the time, lingering away.

Then there was Ben and the bitter sweetness of it all. He didn’t know what place he’d be in if he didn’t have that, but there was sometimes that little pessimistic hamster treading the wheel inside that thought it could all come crashing down before it had even started.

“Do you want to meet my mum?” Ben suddenly blurted out, chewing a little at his lip. “Only if you want to of course.”

Callum was taken aback a little. It wasn’t a conversation he was expecting, and he could see that Ben was growing nervous waiting for his response. “Yeah, course,” he replied, nodding his head as much as he could without making it feel as though it had a paper weight bolted on to it. “I want to meet all your family once this ridiculous thing is over.”

“Okay. Good,” Ben replied, nodding his head. “She was thinking more like in half an hour’s time. That do you at all?”

“Half hour?” Callum said, sitting up so abruptly that his stomach swished. “What? God, I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“Well you’ve got twenty nine minutes to chuck up your guts, wake up a bit and get dressed,” Ben remarked with a smile. “Chop, chop.”

Callum opened his mouth to speak, but words didn’t seem to be making their way from his brain to his lips. “What?” he repeated, nothing appearing clear at all at the moment.

“My mum don’t quite believe you’re real,” Ben explained. “So I said we’d call her to prove you actually exist and I ain’t just been lying to her for weeks. Twenty eight minutes to go. Up to you if you want her to see you in your boxers or not.”

“It’s just us and her?” Callum asked, secretly hoping that Jay or Lola would be part of the call so he would have another friendly face.

“Yeah, it’s fine. She don’t bite. Trust me, she’ll adore you,” Ben replied. “Why did you want some of your family on there as well?”

“Oh God no,” Callum replied quickly, before seeing Ben’s face fall quickly. “Nothing to do with you. Really, it’s definitely them not you.”

Callum could imagine it now. The screens filled with Stuart in his face mask, Shirley with a permanent scowl, Tina downing mojitos, Mick on a three second delay, Linda trying to burst into song now she had an audience, and Rainie waving a vibrator around. Meeting Ben’s mum for the first time, even though it wasn’t technically in person, would be scary enough.

Mums usually loved him. At least when he was younger and he dated girls, they did. Not that dating them used to last long. Once or twice at the most but they were always keen to bring him home. It was an opportunity that worked both ways. They used to take him into the living room and introduce him, knowing they could look their mothers in the eye and tell them his intentions were honourable and he wasn’t just another guy that was looking to get into their pants. It would keep the questions away for the next few months when she went out and was getting with guys that would raise eyebrows if she brought them home. Callum knew the score there. And he didn’t mind. Sitting in a front room, with a mother bringing him cups of tea and fussing, wasn’t something he ever had. So even though it was just a few hours, he relished it.

This would be different though. This wasn’t some nice, middle aged woman who he wouldn’t see again in a few weeks. This was important. Also, he could always look those women in the eye with the knowledge that the last thing he really wanted to do was go to bed with their children. Now he was going to have to smile through a screen at Ben’s mum and hope his hectic brain didn’t suddenly blurt out a confession of all the different ways he’d imagined having her son. If she’s in the middle of a sentence about the good weather they’ve been having and he suddenly pops out that he can’t wait to go bang Ben in the sunshine of the park after lockdown, then he may have to go hide in the freezer. The only thing he had in there was the onion rings he’d restocked, so he might be able to squeeze in.

“Right, so I’ll give you a call in a bit, yeah?” he said, giving a kiss to the screen. “Callum, relax. It’ll be fine.”

Twenty five minutes later, and Callum was sitting in front of his laptop trying to breath through his nose like the mindfulness app on his phone was telling him to do. In the last three minutes, he’d placed Plant behind him and then put him back on the coffee table three times, before deciding to put him over on the counter. Callum didn’t want to have to worry that Plant would make a spectacle of himself when he had concerns about his own behaviour. He gave them both an aspirin and hoped for the best.

When the call started coming through, he twitched a little nervously before accepting. His breath relaxed a little when he saw it was only Ben on the screen.

“Alright? Feeling a bit better?” he asked with a concerned smile. “I’m just gonna ring my mum.”

Soon enough, an older blonde lady appeared in the other part of the screen, holding a large glass of wine. “Ben! Ben! Can you hear me? Is this thing on?” she called out, taking a gulp of her drink.

Callum could see Ben take a deep, sighing breath. “Of course I can hear you, mum,” he replied dryly. “Half your street can probably hear you. This is Callum.”

Giving an awkward half wave, Callum tried to smile, though he wasn’t exactly sure what his face ended up looking like. “It’s nice to meet you Mrs…Ben’s mum,” he replied, kicking himself as the words escaped. He had tried to go over all the questions she may ask him before the call, but there was only so many he and Plant could come up with. Apparently neither thought of what he actually needed to call her. He knew she was divorced from Ben’s dad, but he didn’t know if they had the same name.

“Is this him? Is this Callum?” she said squinting at the screen and waving. “Oh ain’t he lovely looking, Ben. Tell him he can call me Kathy.”

“You can tell him yourself!” Ben exclaimed. “He can hear you!”

“Get him to stand up and spin around a bit,” she asked. “I can only see his face on this thing!”

Ben threw his hands up in the air in frustration. “Mum! He can hear you!” he scolded her. “And he ain’t a sideboard from Argos you’re trying to size up online! You can’t just zoom in and try and get the 360 degree view. Leave him alone!”

“I apologise for my son, Callum,” Kathy replied, finally realising she could talk directly to him. “He likes to make out I’m some doddery old woman who embarrasses him by showing a bit of interest in his love life.”

“That’s alright,” he replied, thinking about how warm her smile was, and how though they bickered, he could tell the maternal bond was strong with her son. “I don’t mind, honest.”

“Yeah, well I do,” Ben snarled back. “Callum wants to become a copper, Mum. He used to be in the army and all. I like man in uniform.”

“Ben!” both he and Kathy cried at the same time.

“Well, you seem like a lovely boy,” she continued, draining the last of wine. “I’ve been waiting for him to settle down, I couldn’t quite believe it when he told me he’d met someone who he-“

The screen went black where Kath’s image once appeared. “Oh, what a shame, she’s been cut off,” Ben said, clearing his throat. “Probably spilled half a bottle of merlot over her keyboard.”

“Is that her trying to ring back?” Callum asked, peering at the screen. “Perhaps she can reconnect now.”

“It’ll be fine,” Ben said, dismissing his concern. “She’s seen you now, and knows you’re as I described you and not some tramp I pulled on a street corner. Oh, hold about, I did pull you on a street corner!”

Callum shook his head then smiled curiously. “What did you describe me as?” he asked, trying not to sound too desperate for the information.

“A crazy man who talks to his plant and runs into lampposts,” Ben replied, with a wink. “Don’t worry, I sang all your praises to high heaven.”

“Do you think she liked me?” Callum wondered. “I mean, I know I ain’t exactly all snazzy with words. I don’t think I’ve ever made a good first impression with anyone.”

“Are you joking?” Ben replied. “You’re like all her dreams come true. The fact that I’ve introduced her to my boyfriend, he’s a good boy and he’s a bit of a sort; she’ll be doing a one woman conga line around the living room, trust me.”

Callum looked towards Plant to check he heard the same thing. Unfortunately, he was having his afternoon nap. Damn, there was no one else to check his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him.

“Is that what we are then?” he asked tentatively. It could have been just a slip of the tongue and now he was bubbling down into a black hole he would want to swallow him up if he was wrong.

“You heard what I said,” Ben said, smirking. There was a shyness there that only barely blushed on his cheeks. “Unless of course you’ve had a better offer.”

“Umm, can I get back to you?” Callum grinned back, laughing when Ben started glaring at him. “Might just see if anyone else chucks their hat in the game.”

Ben scoffed at that. “Yeah, well in interest of full disclosure I think they have to watch you stand on your balcony at three in the morning with Robert propped up on the barrier in front of you, as you sing ‘My Heart Will Go On’ before shouting ‘I’m the King of the World’ at the top of your voice,” he suggested.

“That didn’t happen!” Callum scoffed back. Crap, that did happen. “Well then I guess you’re stuck with me then aren’t you.”

“Yeah. I guess I am.”

“Morning,” Callum said with a yawn, as he answered the phone one day. “God, I slept so well last night.”

Ben was staring back at him with disbelief. “Callum, have you looked at the news this morning?” he asked, the incredulity clear in his voice.

Stretching his arms and back a little as he sat up, he shook his head. “Nah, I’ve been trying to not watch as much. It’s just so depressing,” he replied. “I mean, I know loads of people have it worse than I do. It’s all just a lot to take though, ain’t it?”

“Get your laptop out!” Ben ordered, pointing at the screen. “Come on, quickly!”

Callum tutted and then reached over for where his laptop was sitting on the table. “You ain’t sent me porn links again, have you?” he sighed, powering up the machine. “I am capable of using a search engine.”

“I’m just curating the content for you, babe,” he explained with a shrug. “That ain’t it, anyway.”

Starting to type in his password, he waited for it to sign in. “Where am I going anyway?”

“Why do you have a password on your computer?” Ben asked curiously. “You afraid Robert’s going to get on and start drooling sap over the keyboard as he looks at photos of rose bushes? Just go to a news site. Any one.”

Callum clicked into the BBC news site and scrolled down, before rolling his eyes at what he was reading. “Why they got a vote for Britain’s greatest ever football manager?” he commented shaking his head. “They ain’t never gonna get a right result because loads of people always forget the old managers. You can’t even compare the classic game with the modern leagues really.”

Ben stared at him open mouthed. “Yeah, Callum. That’s why I called you at this time,” he replied, more than a hint of sarcasm in his voice. “I wanted to draw your attention to a meaningless poll for a sport I don’t watch. Scroll up, will you!”

Callum went further up the website before stopping again. “Are the Americans really using Tom Hanks’ blood to try and get a vaccine?” he queried, looking at the headline. “I assume they’ve got his permission. They ain’t just lingering over him like Dracula in the middle of the night.”

“For fucks sake, would you please just go to the main story at the top of the page!” Ben shouted out impatiently. “This ain’t the Radio 4 newspaper review! Hurry up!”

Sensing Ben’s urgency, he went to the main headline, clicked on the link and started reading. “It says you can visit a close friend or family member, as long as they’ve been isolated for fourteen days, and so have you, and you ain’t shown any symptoms in that time,” he repeated out, squinting at the screen. “Oh well, that’s good ain’t it? You can pop round and see your mum.”

Ben started shaking his head, raising his hands in frustration before banging them down on the table in front of him. “No, Callum!”

He furrowed his brow in confusion. “What? Why not?” he asked, concerned. “She ain’t been ill has she? She’s alright?”

“That thing that’s sailing past your ear right now, Callum? That would be what’s known as the point,” Ben said with a sigh. “You haven’t been sick, have you?”

Callum shook his head. “No, you know I ain’t,” he replied.

“And you’ve only been out your flat to go for a run, yeah? Just to do your training?” Ben prompted, waving his hand to emphasise his words. Callum nodded. “Right, and neither have I, so I’m just gonna wait for you to catch up.”

Callum thought about what was being said and looked at the expectant face Ben was showing him. He couldn’t mean what he thought he did. Could he? “Do you mean meet?” he replied quietly.

“And there it is!” Ben exclaimed. “It’s a good job you’re pretty.”

“Oi! Thanks for that!” Callum said with a laugh.

Ben gave him a smile, the sweet one that he’d only ever seen aimed at him. It always made his heart feel better, like it was healing a few of the scars that rested there. “I’m joking! You’ve got to have a lot of brains in your head to join the force and track down all those hot criminals,” he said, before his smile dropped a little. “So, do you want to? Meet, I mean. It ain’t against the rules now, Officer.”

“It says just a close friend or family member,” Callum replied, reading through the article again. “We ain’t never met before.”

Ben leaned his head back in frustration again. “I don’t think it’s means ‘close’ as in physically!” he huffed out, before looking straight towards him. “You’re special to me.”

If Callum’s heart was patched over before, now it felt electric, like he could power half the street with the current pounding through it. There was still that doubt though. That pesky pessimist of a hamster trolling its way relentlessly on the wheel. “I just don’t want to put you or Lex or anyone in danger,” he admitted. “I’d hate to do that.”

“Callum, shut up,” he ordered. “Either you agree to come over here tomorrow, or I’m walking over there right now and sitting down outside, on the pavement. And that’s gonna end with the old bill dragging me away. That ain’t gonna look good on your application is it? Will you come over to ours tomorrow?”

Biting his lip, he could feel his eyes almost start to water. It was overwhelming. “Yeah,” he replied simply. That was all he needed to say.

Ben cleared his throat before scratching the back of his head. “You can stay over if you want,” he added hesitantly. “Only if you want though. Don’t want you walking home late on those mean streets.”

“Alright then,” he added, knowing that conformation was all Ben needed.

“You can bring your magic box of sex tricks if you like as well,” he said with a smirk, now he had a little confidence back.

“Ben!”

“Alright, alright!” he conceded, grinning. “We’ll save it for another time. I’ll see you tomorrow then. On our road?”

Callum nodded. One more day. That was it. One day more.

Callum wouldn’t say he was panicking, but he’d made himself a cup of tea, poured himself a glass of lemonade and opened up a beer in the last five minutes. It had been two hours since he has got off the phone with Ben and agreed to meet with him tomorrow. Where he had agreed to stay over at his house. It was everything he had wanted in these last weeks. It had been frustrating and heart-breaking to get to know someone but never be in the same room as them; to not be allowed the privilege of touching them. It has been a nightmare.

Now, that would be finally over. He would be allowed to do all those things he had imagined. And the thought terrified him.

It wouldn’t just be a quick visit, Ben told him to bring things to stay. He wasn’t sure what to take. It was like being little and being invited over to a mate’s house to sleep over. Only that never happened for Callum. He was asked a few times, but he was so terrified that they’d expect the same invitation back, that he always said no. There was no way he could have a friend stay in his house.

He pulled out an old rucksack from the back of his wardrobe and opened it up. What was he supposed to bring? Callum looked around the room, sighing when he received a dirty look.

“You won’t fit in the bag! Your soil will go everywhere!” he told Plant. He fluttered one of his stems in protest. “Well, yeah, I suppose I could put you in a carrier bag but I can’t just bring you along when you weren’t invited!”

Plant didn’t move, and Callum knew he accepted the decision, he just didn’t like it. “I’ll tell you what, if it goes well, I’ll ask them if I can bring you next time, alright?”

He made a mental note to leave Plant some of his favourite snacks when he went to Ben’s and left him alone. Perhaps he’d even leave the radio on; he enjoyed listening to talk radio the most and it would be a bit of company.

It was no good, he couldn’t focus on anything. Callum just felt a buzz zooming through his body and it left him unable to concentrate on a task. There was no way he could spend the rest of the afternoon and evening just relaxing on the sofa. There was too much nervous energy in him. He had to go out for a run.

Once he was changed, he turned the oven on to heat up, grabbing the onion rings out the freezer and shaking a few onto a baking tray. Callum put the tray in the oven and looked over to Plant. “I’ll be fifteen minutes,” he told him. “Don’t let the flat burn down.”

Jogging down the stairs, he made his way to the exit of his building. Callum shut the door, and out the corner of his eye saw a figure at the end of the path. He was just about to do the awkward dance of throwing himself onto the grass to keep his social distance requirement when he realised they weren’t moving. Turning his head, he stopped still when he saw their face. Ben.

He felt stunned for a moment, until his brain made sense of the sight. It was something unusual and felt strange to see him here. Like seeing a bluebell appear through the snow. Callum met his eyes, and it took him back to those first few days of meeting Ben, when something seemed to click that he’d never known before and thought only existed in the deep hopes of his mind.

“Hi,” he said, and the lack of coherent sentences certainly took him back to when they met.

Ben gave him a smile, his hands shoved in his pockets, like he was nervous. He was. Callum knew him so well by now, he could tell the little signs. “Hi,” he said back, and his voice was soft, and unsure.

Callum wasn’t someone who took charge in his life. At work, sure. He could take control of a kitchen when he was in the army, he could handle a busy shift and a stag party at the pub, but in his personal life he just sat and waited and hoped, and let others take the lead. That was why he hadn’t gone on dates, or called back numbers or returned smiles over the bar. Callum had spent his whole life just letting others deciding what to do for him, and just going along with it.

Without second guessing it, he marched forward along the path, his legs feeling so shaky that he was surprised he stayed upright and didn’t just sway over into the pot of geraniums. As he got closer and closer to Ben, his heart rate built, his confidence grew and he never felt so sure about anything in his life.

When he reached him, Ben looked like he was opening his lips up to speak, his eyes wide at the determined action of the man before him. Callum took Ben’s face in his hands, leaned down and kissed him.

He couldn’t say he hadn’t thought about this moment. Over and over again, he’d played it repeatedly in his head, every night when he was in bed, every time he was in the shower, on every run he took and during every meal he made. The thought had dominated his life with a relentless persistence, with a million different scenarios. In all of them though, it was Ben who kissed him first.

Callum had spent so long waiting for his Mystery Man to save him, to take control, to guide him and tell him what to do. Because that’s what he had done all his life and he didn’t think he had it in him to be any other way. Now though, he realised he could be the superhero, he could be the Disney Prince or the romcom lead if he wanted to be, as much of a childlike dream that sounded. He wasn’t about to whack on a lycra jumpsuit, or start talking with words that sounded like the poetry they used to make them read at school. That wasn’t him. But he could finally show the world what he wanted.

It was a soft kiss at first, despite Callum’s newfound confidence. Just the wild and gentle feel of their lips touching, the connection feeling like letting out a breath you never knew you were holding. It was sweet and sacred, and like nothing he had ever felt before. When he drew back, he looked into Ben’s eyes, closer than he had ever been able to before and noticed the colour; bright and fierce like river rapids. The true colour, not lit or changed by whatever screen specifications and settings he had on that day. They weren’t rejecting him, or humouring him, or any other of the insecurities that Callum worried about. They were saying only one thing. Go on.

The second time Callum leaned in it, was with more force, more hurry, as if Ben was going to be taken away any second, or if this was all just a dream and in a minute his alarm would go off just at the wrong time, waking him up and leaving him with frustrated regret. This was visceral though, touch pouring into feeling. Breath pouring into breath and his head felt dizzy with the sensation, like this was a drug he craved.

Eventually, Callum pulled back, just a little, smiling at Ben. “It ain’t tomorrow yet,” he said, his voice coming out rough and gentle.

“I couldn’t wait,” Ben replied with a whisper, before leaning up to peck Callum on the chin before pulling at his shirt to lower him a little. He rested their foreheads together. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” he said back, his voice not much more than a whisper of air by the time it landed on Ben’s lips. A thought struck him. “Do you like onion rings?”

Ben leaned back and let out a loud laugh. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s go in before we get reported for public indecency.”

“It was just a kiss,” Callum replied, the smile not being able to stay off his face. He leaned in and pecked Ben briefly on the lips, partly to prove a point and partly just because he could.

“Well give me another few seconds and it won’t just be a kiss,” Ben grinned back with a wink. He held out his hand to Callum. “Let’s go.”

Looking at Ben’s outstretched fingers, he wasn’t sure he even believed it yet. This moment that he had always dreamt of, offering itself up to him so openly.

Callum wasn’t about to let his old self take over and second guess anything. Determinedly, he reached out and linked their fingers together. And when they touched, that feeling of happiness, of confidence and hope built inside.

They walked into the building.

Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this story everyone! As random and offbeat as it got sometimes! I hope you enjoyed it xxx

**Author's Note:**

> The Pandemic AU that no one asked for! This just crossed my mind when I was on the way to work the other day, and kept on pickling away until it made me write it today. I don't want to make light of a serious situation, but this is such a silly bit of useless fluff it's not going to hurt anyone.
> 
> Callum's a good boy anyway and stays at home apart from his allowed exercise.  
> Stay at home! Stay Safe! And Stay well everyone xx


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